Faiths, Beliefs, and Mythologies

Born in 1955 in a catholic bastion of Quebec just before the quiet revolution and before the Vatican II was a very very interesting time.  I remember the eeriness of May as the month of Mary with its lilac smell and clouds of dandelions seeds floating in the air like magic.  Me dressed in a nice black robe with 200 small buttons and a sparkling white starched surplus as we called it, the enchanting smell of church incense that I would inhale hungrily like a euphoric drug to my memory.  Choir Boy at 5 or 6, up before dawn and great friend with the "bedeau" who unlocked the church door for me at 5 AM.  Memorised my Confiteor and all my Dominus Vobiscums et Spiriti Tuos. Loved the sound of Tantum  Ergo too.

Then Vatican II, the quiet revolution and the approaching adolescence kind of muddled everything for a long time.  Searched for answers, dropped out of school, started to work, started to drink and a long descent into drugs of all kinds.  Four to five years of lucky survivals and near death experiences and a little bit of help from 2 ladies: Fate and Fortune.

Within those five years my search for answers included many books of the red collection from the French editor J'ai lu. I remember a lot of Lobsang Rampa and Bridey Murphy and Edgar Cayce among others.

Then at the young age of 21, a strange and memorable experience.  

An encounter with a protestant, evangelical, fundamentalist POV that changed my life an awful lot for a long time still influencing me to this day.  That dementing 2 months though ended me up in a very funny place that ALSO would affect my life tremendously to this day.

15 years and many crossroads later I came out of this strange cult a changed man like one comes out of jail or a mental institution.

The religious leftovers lingered on for quite some time on and off, mixed with unknown and countless episodes of manias and mainly depressions.

The religious aspects remained for a short time after my great move to the end of the world where I got baptised for the FOURTH time.

Now in the last five years or so and probably much more so since my heart surgery, Feb 16th 2005, I have been "sinking" (some would say) into atheism and almost nihilism, or as I prefer to call it agnosticism still, some would also say RETURNING to atheism.

The past 2 years of meandering, questioning and screaming for answers should be quite obvious in my blogs even though I have a feeling this blog comes out stronger than I really am.  The bottom line might say that I am still seeking, even wishing and hoping too.

I would certainly like to think that it is not all over Mr. Rover when the fat lady sings that something somehow keeps going beside my progeniture but that might only be some primitive narcissistic urge like a survival instinct beyond survival. 

 I would also like that something somehow hereafter to be GOOOOOODDDDDD, in fact much better than good, more than sublime: a literal out of this world experience that would blow my no more existing mind off.

But looking at the world, at religion and its mass hysteria I can't help but wonder.

There is no answer in any book.  They are way too human and outright stupid at times.
Hell! Someone might as well call Shakespeare canonical with all its drama and passions and utter stupidity. In fact much wisdom can be found too in good old Shakes I am sure and some sort of hermeneutical interpretation as well.

There is no empirical proof of anything.
Who said one's death is NOT empirical to begin with.

There is no rational proof since reason is not such a big deal in this temporal matter.

Proof of the contrary seems to be more evident considering the utter stupidity of all the religious rationalisation that goes out there.  One would almost want our utter stupidity to die with us and our memories to be at the level of a monkey's memories.

If there was a way (a truth and a life) I would certainly like to find it.

for the longest time I believed in

I am THE way THE truth and THE life 

but I now realised he never TALKED with me and WALKED with me 

as all those misleading emotional hymns like to PRETEND

...just as I am and all that Jazz

...those he "ABIDES' with are usually fucking deluded psychos 

so wherewithal  is young man supposed to go?

Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free
Yeah Right Still waiiiiiiiitinnnnnng!

Blessed are those who thirst for righteousness ...the waiting game again...the problem with the things not seen you see is that they are almost always psychotic...might as well say blessed are the schizos for they shall see gods, and hear them too.

So undisputable Fact number one is this world is fucked, weird, crazy and demented.

Undisputable Fact number two 

this world has no fucking idea, not a single clue that it IS
fucked, weird, crazy and demented.

All other facts are also fucked, weird, crazy and demented.

Therefore 42 is definitely not the answer.  :)

Summary

           1) this world is fucked, weird, crazy and demented.

           2) this world has no fucking idea, not a single clue that it IS
                fucked, weird, crazy and demented.

          3) all other facts are also fucked, weird, crazy and demented.

∴      42 is definitely not the answer.