the signs were all there they said posthumously

Howzat for a clickbait now eh? 😄

Have you tried being melodramatic lately?

Well let's say I am and may seem a little macabre lately
Fuck I wouldn't even live with myself.

Thing is if I try to think rationally and let's say errrr the amount of painkillers I just took kind of help in that department since I was very irrational when I took them but the overwhelming pain was not helping the thinking process.

So as I was saying if I try to think rationally the overall quality of life is somewhat acceptable and the multiple daily pains are usually short lived but still pain is pain is pain and the moment is unpleasant or hell depending on...

Of course there is this big OCD obsession (he is a nice pleonasm) for my
2 billionth second seems like a bad omen but then again is it really? I just love numbers that's all not mentioning that it is how long my dad and Donna Summer lived LOL

Pain management Chronic pain and pain prescriptions and what not is certainly nothing new and nothing peculiar to me for sure, it is epidemic these days and prolly more and more of a prob as one ages and faces the consequences of entropy.

Nights are disturbed and pain wakes me up but on the positive side I am retired and I can go back to bed anytime I want or anytime I can anyway... sometimes I need time for the blood to get back to my lower limbs and to get re-hydrated but I manage to catch up on much needed granddad naps.

The most horrible nights are when the "attacks" are multiple and constants and you can't see the end like a cramp or double cramp or triple cramp waking me every hour on the hour or add to this the errr looking for a superlative here... 

EXCRUCIATING would be a good one 

EXCRUCIATING pain of my guts trying to get out of my body like Ridley Scott's ALIEN which makes for a very very long 60 to 90 seconds of pain comparable to my old gallbladder attack 

which on the pain level is quite high on the register IIRC compared to giving birth and such

 and after much advice I don't need a third opinion apparently to tell me that I AM FUCKED in this regard that there is FUCK ALL to do but suffer and be careful when I try to wipe or wash my ASS or even when I turn in bed now.

In my last list I think I forgot to mention the arthritis in my left thumb also and the new cramps in my "hems"? just below the knee joint in the back.

Sometimes I consider going back on the patches I was on for 6 years even though they were hell to get off from. 

Not that desperate yet

and I try to tell myself the pain might diminish a bit once I am off this chemotherapy drug but there is no date on this yet, going to the hospital tomorrow to find out more.

So quality of life might be better and then again if I kept "Comfortably Numb" most of the time but that also comes at a cost. 

I have to say though I find myself extremely reasonable and moderate most of the time with pain killers

but sometimes like a night of getting shitfaced once in a blue moon it seems to help when things are too much.

Anyway who wants to hear my troubles or anyone's troubles in this modern world?

So let's leave this here in the Néant the Nothingness , the ethereal overflowing world of zeros and ones in this Huxleyan dystopia.