LIKE TEARS IN RAIN

 

I was born too early.

Or too late who knows? lol

I had a nice "stream of consciousness" earlier and all in French funnily enough and I let it pass and didn't write it down and now It's all gone... like tears in rain. 

I feel a bit like Pharaoh and his lost dream.  

Funny how heroes of the past were basically 

mentalists and tricksters: 

Joseph my homonym.

Anyway had I been born later brings a gazillion maybes. 

I am expecting the day where they find a cure for adult neuroblastoma and go nice timing assholes.

Also it may not all be as good as it seems as Charlie Booker has shown us time and time again.  

Recalling every single auditive and visual memory may not be as good as one thinks.

Prolly a bit narcissistic in fact to want to do so 

to use the n word again.

Trying to remember a bit and it might lose something in translation it was about a comment I got on my 4th booster and me using the word holy trinity and offending a holy roller.

How moot it was to try any debate or discussion on this subject since I HAD been there for years and years and there was no argument back then that would have convinced me whatsoever. 

My self-righteousness was an impregnable fortress.

I was thinking how much I hate the word "SIN" 

since this word has been used for thousands of years 

by every charlatan and control freak on the planet to use a non existent power to CONTROL his peers his equals if not superiors.

But if there was one SIN and only one well it would be this one:

SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS.  

It's a hideous ugly beast impossible to tame.

So here it is in a nutshell: diluted vapors of past vapors.

If meditation teaches us one thing is that thoughts are pretty well just that coming and going or RISING and FALLING as this monk says just like our BREATH... RISING... FALLIN... Risin'... Fallin'

TIL ONE DAY it falls and never RISES again no matter what delusion one might have about the afterlife.

THE original words for SPIRIT AND SOUL in Hebrew and In Greek are just that BREATH!  HOT AIR.  And when it's gone YOU'RE GONE.  

No AIR No Life an inexorable law of nature.

Harsh reality I know to realise that the best person you have ever known and the evilest person who ever existed are just EQUAL now.

FLATTENED even by the Great Equaliser personalised under the Grim Reaper.

That feeling reminds me of that French Canadian Poem I quote once in a while.

Devant le feu

Émile NELLIGAN

Recueil : "Émile Nelligan et son œuvre - Le Jardin de l'Enfance"

Par les hivers anciens, quand nous portions la robe,

Tout petits, frais, rosés, tapageurs et joufflus,

Avec nos grands albums, hélas ! Que l’on n’a plus,

Comme on croyait déjà posséder tout le globe !

Assis en rond, le soir, au coin de feu, par groupes,

Image sur image, ainsi combien joyeux

Nous feuilletions, voyant, la gloire dans les yeux,

Passer de beaux dragons qui chevauchaient en troupes !

Je fus de ces heureux d’alors, mais aujourd’hui,

Les pieds sur les chenets, le front terne d’ennui,

Moi qui me sens toujours l’amertume dans l’âme,

J’aperçois défiler, dans un album de flamme,

Ma jeunesse qui va, comme un soldat passant,

Au champ noir de la vie, arme au poing, toute en sang !

the first half being life as a delusional believer

the second being facing reality.

You can do your own translation if you'd like
to all my non-readers.

Anyway if I have learned one thing lately is that all debates are rather sterile moot and utterly  pointless:

All these intellectuals proud giants wielding their humongous dicks publicly and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM after hours and hours of debate goes back exactly to what he was before the debate.

Obviously Paul Simon was smarter than all of them.

Now the years are rolling by me

They are rockin' evenly

I am older than I once was

And younger than I'll be

But that's not unusual

No it isn't strange

After changes upon changes

We are more or less the same

After changes

We are more or less the same

Lie-la-lie...

Mind you I am not the same...
I have gone from devout choirboy (in Latin and all)
to zealous fringe evangelical maniac
to now a staunch non-believer / atheist
(some prefer the word agnostic, semantics, semantics)

It just SEEMS to me the only logical outcome to all this madness we have created and an unfortunate twist in our simian evolution to make things so false and so complicated with as many  different versions of "TRUTH" as there are individuals. 

TRUTH SUPPOSEDLY BEING ALETHEIA or A LACK OF CONCEALMENT  AND FUCK KNOWS THIS WORLD IS CHOCK FULL OF CONCEALMENT AND TREACHERY EVERYWHERE

not counting the very things we conceal to our very selves.

I guess we all belong in the Twisted Sisters band :P

So here it is my latest addition in this pandemic to my struggling poor blog 

for no one to read again 

nowhere men 

all on the road to nowhere...

halfway there 

just like Supertramp's RUDY.

Fair Game for the Reaper

 

So far this week I have "seen" two 66 yrs old and one 67 die.

At 66 now, it is quite clear to me
that I AM Fair Game for the Grim REAPER.

As a Matter of Fact we ALL ARE fair game for the reaper

but still as you age the odds get bigger and bigger. 

Remember in this game of Life that the HOUSE ALWAYS WIN.

Entropy is INEXORABLE. (Cannot be prayed out of literally )

or as Dorothy Parker says :

"I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, 

but in all history, 

which has held billions and billions of human beings, 

not a single one ever had a happy ending." 

Talking to myself aka should of built a Smitadin

Here we go, gotta get that story  off my chest,

I was playing with my Ladder Paladin last night, doing a Hell Baal run or two. He is now a proper FISTHIS lol
That is his name: Fist of Heaven all the way
no TryBrid no nothing and no special gear either,
no HOZ yet, (Herald of Zakarum)

First I get killed by fanatic Stygian Dolls in the throne room then as I get to Baal Chamber who shows up? 

Well the Diablo Clone Himself, first time in years.
(I had an episode a little earlier where he showed up but I never saw him since I was naked and  my body was behind miles of Lightning Shooting Gloams)

FOH, wasn't going to work here.  Holy Bolt neither so my only chance was with a lvl 6 Smite and lvl 6 Fanaticism. 

I had him down to about a sliver and then HELL BROKE LOOSE literally.

I died many times just trying to get back to my body either because I forgot a TP or didn't have time to use one. Them Lightning Gloams again.  Plus when I resurrected my merc a million time I withdrew like 800000 gold and forgot to put the rest back so I lost that too a few times.

So after an hours of sweat and tears and frustration I finally called it quits very reluctantly. 

I had no Full Rejuvs left after using a WHOLE inventory stash of them, I wasted 3 million gold in various stupid ways.

I had a Lightsaber  luckily and a life tap wand as well but it wasn't enough.

What needed to be done and I Didn't want to do it is use my last  respec (in hell diff luckily) to build a FULL SMITADIN but then my best char would be reduced to fight the clone and that is IF I have made a Lobby game and can transfer chars.

I have just DONE a 2nd respec to FOH so  I still wanted to try this build properly and until I find an infamous token of absolution that will take a long long time.

I lost sleep over this arduous ordeal and almost lost my D2R MOJO altogether. 

O well I have a new Guardian armour I have to try now not for me since I don't have the strength req but for my merc to see how he handles these Travincal Hydras at now 87% resist all

And there is always something to work on as usual.  My Javazon is getting a little tiring in hell diff as everyone and his mate are lightning immune.

I prolly need to work on my Necro on my 2nd account on the laptop so maybe he can carry her to all these Hell Baal runs too.

My sorc needs some work as well.

I might just live to see another day :|

O well Life goes on says John Cougar Mellencamp

Long after the thrill of livin' is gone

To my poor dying blog

I realise this is a slow year and a normal process for a blog.

This site here used to tell IIRC how many blogs die each day.

Anyway just a short note / trigger to repeat the same old thing again the trigger this time being this

Always an interesting concept to deal with guilt and all the Freudian defence mechanisms  carried around many religions.  The word SIN bugs me to no end as it has been used for the evilest thing by the evilest people for control reasons, HELL I even hate the word EVIL lol:
All man-made concepts that came with consciousness.

As a quick note as this is pretty well the only thing I want to repeat today on that famous word SIN of which I have written much about before

The ONLY SIN AFAIAC IS:

SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS

The common concept in so so many historical dramas and history.

Because in the end as Andre Fortin said:
Y'a pas d'coupables, Y'a pas de honte.

But SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS ,
(comparable to the old unforgivable HUBRIS in Greek Mythology,)
 is the source and the head of much much much UGLINESS in this world.

Watching Gentleman Jack this week has reminded me of that too.

So here it is for the moment my short repeat of a repeat of a repeat

Ciao for now back to the illusions of Diablo :P 

P.S. O well there was a time when I had a search bar in  my blog but now I can't find it so to read some of my old ramblings if you can find it search for HAMARTIA

Curmudgeon

 

Curmudgeon

Barely out of bed and said FFS twice already! lol

First a chess streamer I don't particularly like says a chess grandmaster has been banned
(the clickbait didn't mention for 6 months only),
I look at the time and it's almost 30 mins!!!
THIRTY FUCKING MINUTES for a piece of news that takes 30 fucking second to read. 
You fucking streamers are so hubristic,
like sports commentators
you worship the sound of your own voice.

Moving on.

Next one: Coronavirus Guided Meditation 

— Boost your Immunity against COVID19

double FFS

I don't wanna live on this planet anymore.

Like Garfield: As far as I am  concerned my day is over

I'd like to disagree with Job here

 but I know that my redeemer doesn't exist.

"I'll make it up to you"

je vais me rattraper google

Je vais vous rattraper bing

In French translation it gives a sense of catching up.

Catching up TO WHAT is my question???

Another biblical concept here similar to the word sin in Greek:

HAMARTIA

i.e missing the FUCKING mark

This big notion of redemption is to me fundamentally wrong and probably utter bullshit made up in some control freak mind to use, abuse, and control others, based on imposing guilt and shame: 2 adorable concepts .... NOT

A concept that comes in so many songs.

Mind you another concept that comes in an awful lot of songs is:

I wanna get laid and I'll say anything to get to that goal.

Elvis comes to mind here.  It's now or never.

If I could turn back the hands of time and other bullshit.

English is funny that way with its hundreds of expanded verbs utterly change by adding some preposition: 

like knocked up is not the same as knocked down.

To impose shame on you and the idea that you need to redeem yourself somehow is just pure evil if you ask me.

Sure one can decide to do better with one self but shame is man-made.

The older I get the more I like the French expression in André Fortin's song:

Y'A PAS D'COUPLABLES, Y'A PAS DE HONTE

there is no guilt there is no shame

an expression in context to someone who is near death 

but somehow one is ALWAYS near death relatively.

But again most of these making up songs or wanting to make up are nothing short really of:

I wanna get laid again song.

it reminds me of Jack Lucas in Fisher King:

Jack’s line “Suicidal paranoiacs will say anything to get laid,” was added by Gilliam on set because he was afraid that the character would have a tiny shred of likeability left in him.

Anyway as Dylan says so well:

I'd forever talk to you

But soon my words would turn into a meaningless ring

For deep in my heart

I know there's no help I can bring

Love this song still as relevant today as it was then

for instance change/adapt 2 words in this verse and bam voila 

welcome to the 21st century

From fixtures and forces and friends your sorrow does stem

That hype/#hash you

And type / #tag  you

And making you feel that you gotta be just like them

We are what we are and sometimes, many times we fuck up and that is it. There is no redeeming, no making up: just try not to fuck up too many times that's all.

Paradise by the dashboard lights

 

Paradise

To Build around, Form a wall around.

A funny imaginary concept as old as the hills.

The simplest definition might be Kurt Vonnegut Jr.'s actually.

EVERYTHING WAS BEAUTIFUL

AND NOTHING HURT.

It is the carrot waved by all priests. ministers, imams and whosoever doesn't have any power on earth but waves an imaginary stick.

Detective Rust Cohle : The ontological fallacy of expecting a light at the end of the tunnel, well, that's what the preacher sells, same as a shrink. See, the preacher, he encourages your capacity for illusion. Then he tells you it's a fucking virtue. Always a buck to be had doing that, and it's such a desperate sense of entitlement, isn't it?

Of course we would all love a paradise, a nirvana, a santuary a what not.

Something tells me now that H.G. Wells was right and that it would come at a terrible cost to us.

Apparently this human condition is meant for struggle and we cannot have the Eloi without the Morlocks unfortunately.

Too bad for any of youse who have never read the Time Machine or watch the movie: it is such a picture worth more than 2000 words.

But we sure can dream about it in all languages and all cultures everyone of them with a different conception of what it would be like.  To some sad primitive civilisation this realm was associated with war and warriors.

What a brilliant idea to put such fallacies into some soldiers  mind really, probably where our word berserk comes from.

The same brilliant idea that allows nobodies to call themselves priests and wave a big phony god stick to submit people to their will with a power that does not exist.

Like Rusty said: Always a buck to be had doing that.

Mind you 'my' paradise would be a little less religious and a little more Huxleyan really.

There are as many paradises as there are human beings so it is a number constantly growing. 

Hell some of them might fathom 2 or 3 or many more paradises of their own.

Milton, Dante and so many others had a go at imagining their imaginary world and writing it down.

And that is not counting the many other Oriental inventions there has been over many millenniums.

One can imagine as much as one wants there is no mechanic on earth to ever ever make this happen though.

As I said many many times we simply do not have enough brain cells in our simian system.  

Might as well imagine a paradise of apes.

The first thing that always comes to my mind though as a dreamer in this imaginary Utopia would be NO WAR for sure.

I also like very much the Brave New World idea of 

Children Factories.

I have seen enough atrocities and real murders and real serial killers where it is the parents that should have got the death penalty and much of the damage in life and in mental health is parental a lot of the time.

Much of this damage is also FUBAR.

Anyway nothing new under the sun.

Same old ramblings as always.

But it is always nice to imagine a BETTER WORLD

a safe HAVEN somewhere in the dark recesses of the mind.

From what I gather it would seem that all attempts at 

Egalité, Fraternité et Liberté are totally doomed almost as a mathematical rule.  

We ALWAYS ALWAYS have to resort to the LCD.

the LOWEST Common Denominator.

As George Carlin once said:

Imagine the average stupid person and now realise that

Half of them are stupider than that.

Maybe that is what they mean by Pareto distribution.

Of course also the number alone of people is not helping at all without going into culling eugenics here.

But for some strange reason it seems smaller countries managed better with the pandemic in some places.

Anyway over and out for this entropic brain who has run over these lines way too many times.

Now we haven't even mentioned GNR Paradise or Meatloaf's!

that is another story for another time children :)