little Huxleyan Smorgasborg

Was watching a nice concert on YouTube set in an open (Roman?) Theatre in Ephesus and thinking how nice would it have been to be there and then how nice would have have been to visit it 1000 years ago and 2000 years ago even a few years before the arrival of St-Paul to all mess it up. Mind you now it is just messed up by another religion that's all.

And then I was thinking one could visit Paris in the 19th and even 18th century back to Vercingetorix if one is so inclined.

Let's also remember that the TARDIS is not limited to earth.

The problem though with a TARDIS without a Time Lord is that one has a very short time to use it.

Sure there is a million scenarios one can write and imagine but but but there are also a million constraints physical and political and geographical not to mention mental.

It would be sad to miss a whole "day" on the TARDIS because I am feeling a little deflated today and CBF really.

Anyway the mind is an open field if one is so inclined and this is why to me writing would be the best job ever. Mind you writing something that will be good enough to make a living is another story. I guess one who is retired should not be concerned about that now.

Back to a more practical time machine now the H.G. Wells engine would occupy one for quite some time alone, pun intended.

No different location, no different space in there, but just a shift in time in the time space continuum.

ALSO I don't know about others but here the past seems to be fading away a little fast, at an alarming rate sometimes.

I have been to Paris and to England and to Canada and to the USA many a times but it all seems like a distant dream, fading memories with some part totally gone.

And moreover it is not NOW because NOW is all what counts really. Past is gone Future is not here yet and blah blah blah.


There is also a feeling that not all times and places ought to be enjoyed. I cringed at manifestation of ignorance especially in a large group of people whatever century it is.

Like this H.G. Wells contraption bombs and geological nightmares are bound to surround you at times.

Plus it would also be a little Huxleyan Smorgasborg of way too many choices causing mental paralysis.

Funny how the mind (or my mind anyway at least) escapes to a gazillion impossibilities instead of facing the possible whatever that is: less and less if I am to extrapolate the decline and entropy of this old body that was never great to begin with.

Space Time Continuum

Tom Waits

‘Festival International de Jazz de Montréal’
Expo-Théâtre, Montréal
July 3, 1981

Wish I had a Time Machine now

Where Was I?

In Manitoba for sure, 
the summer before Phoebe was born 
(16-01-1982)
I would not be in Montreal til mid 1983 where Priscilla was born at Santa Cabrini (04-09-1983)

In dreadful bootcamp Ste-Elizabeth for sure working my ass off at Superior Bus Mfg
prolly still a welder by then???

in the strange 4 years I was there I went from Welder to Painter to Punch Press Operator. 

( My very first job in 1972? (16 years old) was punch press operator  after the gruesome 6 months of 70 hours a week for $20 working for my dad as a carpet layer assistant.
I was making $1.65 an hour at the metal shop 

$66 a week
$55? after taxes
and then my mum started charging me room and board at $15 a week
so I had a whole $40 to spend:
double the money for half the time.  

My first Xmas party they had to walk me home very early LOL (home was like 3 doors down)
I might or might not have abused that Gordon's Dry Gin a little.

I always think of Manitoba as 5 years of Siberian gulag 
but it was more like 4 years I think 

considering Gerry was born on the way there
 (01-05-79)
and Priscilla was definitely born in Montreal in Sept 1983.

For a long time I could never remember what years my daughters were born me and my space cadet mind and Sue gave me the best mnemonic ever
My 2nd child was born in 82
and my 3rd child in 83

Anyway I lost most of the 80s somehow.

I often joke that I was in JAIL in the 80s lol

unlike my uncle who was REALLY in jail but said he was in college until I was 12 years old when he resurfaced.

just a short "early morning" reminiscing
between coffee and brekkie
at nearly noon
38 years later

Two "landmarks" are still around. 
One is gone.  
Some people tattoo their kids's birthdays on them.

Track list:
1. The One That Got Away2. Annie’s Back in Town / I Wish I Was in New Orleans3. $29.004. Pasties and a G-String5. Empty Pockets6. Broken Bicycles7. The Tango8. Invitation to the Blues / Eggs and Sausage9. On the Nickel10. Mr. Siegal11. Tom Traubert’s Blues

Listening to it now most of my fav songs are there

WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE NAKED?

To speak of just or unjust in itself is quite senseless; in itself, of course, no injury, assault, exploitation, destruction can be 'unjust,' since life operates essentially, that is in its basic functions, through injury, assault, exploitation, destruction and simply cannot be thought of at all without this character. ~ Nietzsche

In the desert you can remember your name, 
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. 

I always HEARD here: (Freudian ear slip)

In the desert you can remember your name, 
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no 

BLAME

you see

BLAME IS PAIN

La la, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la ♫♪♫

il n'y a pas de coupables, pas de honte
~ André Fortin

there are no culprits, no shame

Shame and Blame it seems was one of the first thing imposed on us as soon as we left the animal world and were endowed with consciousness.

WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE NAKED?

A phrase I am much certain horribly abused by too many preachers trying to impose curse and condemnation and shame and blame on us in order and for no other purpose than to control us with a power they don't have being under the same human condition as we are,

and I was afraid because I was naked;

The question should have been:

WHO THE FUCK PUT FEAR INTO YOU?

That name and shame and blame hysteria has been the source of countless foaming at the mouth crimes by an ignorant mob usually pushed by a power hungry control freak religious leader or just slowly ingrained into mass brainwashing.

Considering we all end up at the same place "good" or "bad" or out-rightly just fucking horrible one would wonder.

Of course I still "feel" it is so much better to live under the negative golden rule:

DON'T DO UNTO OTHERS
WHAT YOU DON'T WANT THEM
TO DO UNTO YOU.

Otherwise we go back to a short life of terror and anxiety and a jungle of great magnitude.

But that Inhibition should ideally come from the inside of us not from the outside.

Mob hysteria has never ever in the whole mankind history done any fucking good at all.  If there was ever one original sin, one original missing of the mark it would be SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS.

I wonder if any other animal has that? 

They might play the shame and blame game at some level but the self-righteousness game seems to require 
a higher level of consciousness,
 of CON SCIENCE :
With Knowledge.

Plus every one has a different game with different rules too that is what makes it so complicated. I am not saying that one dictatorial set of rules would be better but you know.

The injury, assault, exploitation, destruction that we humans inflict are let say somewhat fucking REFINED compared to your average cat.  
One day maybe I will try to delve deeper in this man made so-called morality thingie but one thing for sure with just one look there is something utterly fucking wrong about it.

Our frail hubristic construct is too weak to know;
too useless, inefficient, and stupid to comprehend.

When the highest IQs in this world build a fucking atomic bomb you know there is something profoundly wrong. 

Here is that word again: WRONG.

As if I was better qualified to interpret it but still there is a deeper understanding that we did miss the fucking mark by more than a few light-years and as a consequence are getting further and further off target if you extrapolate the angle.

For those how have never read me before the very word sin, original or not, is Hamartia which is nothing short of an archer missing his target, missing the mark, the mark usually invented and established by someone else for ulterior dark purposes.

Anyway my posthumous readers can maybe one day add to this morality dilemma of advanced apes.

Nothing new under the sun

Metaphors

Listening to the old KC and the Sunshine Band : Cherish.

When he said if you
receive your calling
before I awake it reminded me of that list I had made long ago on all the countless metaphors for death and I don't think this one was in:

Receive your calling!

From whom exactly?

The Lord?
Angels?
the Grim Reaper?
or Other fictitious character?
is Charon involved?

Kick the Bucket, Bite the Dust, going Home and what not there are too many to mention but anything but the word DIE except in a movie maybe.

I mean metaphors can be cute and flowery and all
and paint a better palette of words
but sometimes they are just one more Freudian defence mechanism
 to bury our head as far away from reality as possible.

I kind of like Cark It myself!

Wiki has a list here.

I do prefer crossing the Styx
to crossing the Jordan actually
shying away from judeo-christian mythology
and going back to the more flowery and dramatic Greek mythology.

Give up the ghost as I have said many time is litterally

to Abandon AIR.

Dirt Nap is not a bad one.

I love naps! :😜


For I know that thou wilt bring me to death, and to the house appointed for all living. Job 30:23
Car, je le sais, tu me mènes à la mort, Au rendez-vous de tous les vivants.

I like this word RENDEZ-VOUS:

The Ultimate Appointment.

For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten.
Les vivants, en effet, savent qu'ils mourront; mais les morts ne savent rien, et il n'y a pour eux plus de salaire, puisque leur mémoire est oubliée.



My digital memory might stick around a few more years than me!

The anhedonic hedonistic with no anodyne.

Here we go again.  

Even though I see my blog as a manic barometer it also seems that dreadful depression might lead me to it also.

Lost in my thoughts here singing along with Keith Green ...I wanna die  ♫♪♫♪

and the thought train goes hogwild,

the caboose barely holding.

Listened to that song again (Make my Life a prayer to you ) and tried to watch a long doco on KG but Melody kills me.  

I turn into Holden Caulfield and I have never seen such a deluded phony in my life.

"We" used to worship the man back in our cult days.  

His "words" seemed so right.  

Mind you American Christianity is such a clusterfuck of phonies and a huge market gimmick too besides all the retards around it.

But then again this whole world is deluded and apparently it would be even better in an evolutionary manner to BE misguided and deluded:

reality being such a dreary and hopeless humdrum.

I curse Facebook yet Facebook leads me to depression
and depression leads me here:
what a vicious circle.

Going to a seminar on Depression this Tuesday BTW and to my therapist the next day but Hope and Light are not in sight.

In the meanwhile supported by music even though my choices and tastes and desires seems to slowly sink in the Pond of Despair
or the Slough of Despond
as Bunyan would call it.  

Even in my food tastes where nothing
"turns me on" anymore. 

What is it called again? Anhedonia. 

Quite a curse in fact to be
an anhedonic hedonistic. 

Here is another title to add to my old list from 2009.

Of what authority?My references?My credibility?My credentials?Reprobate Unreliable RogueLeaky Bucket.Questionable Quester.Gesticulating JesterI am the bungled and the botchedI am the bumbling rumble, the rumbling bumble, the botched bungler, the bungled botcher, the Giddy Glaiket, the Pakeha Palooka, the Local Yokel, the Boeotian Philistine, the insane profane, the vulgarian vulgarist, wandering maunderer, maundering wanderer, drivelling rambler, rambling driveller, a wobbling babbler, and a babbling wobbler.A prophet of no profit, a poet of no point, a philosopher of no sophia (wisdom)I wobble and I stagger in the darkness.I am the botched and the bungled the bungled and the botched, the expandable mass:A VERY UNIQUE SOUL AMONG 100 BILLION OF THEM.

The anhedonic hedonistic with no anodyne.

This too shall pass.

As a note I lost my mojo in my video games and my goals have been reshaped and rescheduled. Tasmania is coming soon and it is expected that I will "Rise to the Occasion" as I am known to do

BUT 

Chemotherapy (in a pill form) is coming right after that and that is a new frightful territory.

To my fellow nerds out there you can google vismodegib if you are so inclined,
(Didn't even have to look it up as I have memorised the word already and its strange spelling)

So in the meanwhile Life is Bland.

There was an interesting scenario I was watching earlier.
Narrated by Simon Whistler he mentioned the

Experience Machine.


Some sort of a Matrix Blue Pill or Red Pill false dichotomy.

My first reaction was HELL YEAH. 

Give me a false "REALITY"
any GODDAMN day.  

It's like waking from a blissful dream and so wanting to get back there again no matter what.

Like a good LSD trip for instance when you are riddled with cancer à la Huxley.

Anhedonia in itself is pretty hellish to begin with.

Et voilà for now.

Enough said about nothing to say.

À la prochaine to all of you my non-readers.

Slow Year

So glad I live with this ...
and not with this...

Insert any photos
of your hubristic narcissistic past here

What the fuck does is matter and moreover

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

I mean besides bragging and pretending you are better 
and holier-than-thou over something
 you had absolutely no fucking control over
or choice about.

(Never end a sentence with a preposition)

I guess the 2nd generation of apes also thought they were so much better than the 1st generation and this narrow-minded petty mind is still part of our DNA.

My Generation is better than yours.

My Country is better than yours.

My Religion is better than yours.

My Politicians are better than yours.

Add on and add on here to the herd mind.

Social Media have not added to our retardation but just exposed more light on it.

As I said earlier when someone says negative things about people this and people that they somewhat magically extricate themselves from people.  

The good old Us and Them, 

Divide and Conquer.


Like he said:

George Carlin — 'Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.'


That would mean at least 3.5 billion stupid people and in some countries I would bring that average up.

Of course some things are better and some things are worst but stop flattering yourself over a fact you had nothing to do with.

Like Uncle Bob would say:

PUERILE 

WATCHING THE WATCHERS

la vie c'est court
mais c'est long des petits bouts

Life is short

but at times it feels very long for a brief moment

We are but a blink in cosmos time 

but we think of ourselves as very very important

and yet

give it the time the earth has been around

and we will all be long gone and forgotten.

May you live in interesting times
is reputed to be a Chinese curse IIRC

Looking at social media one would think so for sure.

The humongous amount of stupidity one was never ever faced with before is now infiltrating our lives and making significant changes to our psyche if nothing else.

What is one to do really to savour his short time on earth and make it if not profitable at least enjoyable?

Even having ONE passion will surely go away with time, thinking here of chess players or sports players or even scientists buried in their lab.  There is a time where you become obsolete and your declining faculties are not in demand anymore. Plus that gold watch at the end looks tarnished by the time one gets it.

The is a French female stand up comedian who was deploring the demise of television programs and many of her friends would say:

I am only watching it to see how shite it is.  

WTF? 

FFS

And program makers go on making shite
because hey it is popular and in demand. 

What a vicious circle!  

A few names come to mind here
among reality tv shows from hell.

First that habit of

WATCHING THE WATCHERS???? 

WTF is all that about? 

Not only are we watching the crap
we're watching people watching the crap.

It's the same principle on YouTube
so-called reaction channels.

Can't we just listen to the original quietly ourselves? 

Preferably a studio version
with no drunk morons
screaming his head off
during the sound of silence
of all places

or them Satanic coughers at classical concerts come to mind. 

Not even mentioning  you would have to be 8 foot tall now to watch a concert over all them raised phones.

But spending time on Facebook or YouTube
( I don't even Twit)
is detrimental to one's mental health
if one is attracted to comments
like a moth to the flame.
How many times do I find myself shaking my head in disbelief and distress over the situation of some.

Mind you in CONTEXT

the Internet is not the whole world

and especially the English (or French) speaking Internet

but still as far a a good survey
it is a revealing slice of our society.

I guess my next step is to avoid the comments at all but like the proverb says iron sharpens iron and one needs to know different shade of colours to know what shade one is at times.

I already stay away from the news as much as I can even though it is nearly impossible on Facebook. I used to have a Trump blocker and I should put it back on again. I just wish the blocker would ALSO block all his supporters.

Anyway. What does it matter anyway?

I am ONE of those drops after all

and the whole ocean stinks.


None of us are free as Solomon Burke would say.

and so it goes

and so it is

and it is what it is.

Nothing really matters it is clear to see

But sometimes a knee jerk reaction is enough to make me feel alive for a short while.  

It would seem that this softie snowflake liberal Eloi 
NEEDS a world of Morlocks to know the diff.

Et voila for now end of my short brain fart
back to my game,
my season 16 is being ended short this time
due to unforeseen vacation LOL

Or back to bed whichever comes first.











Proto