If I can dream

 Who you are!
Who you think you are! and
Who you would like to be!

Sometimes I think I was born too early and then again the future does not look so promising except maybe for a few medical advances but what would be the point of living a long life then?

At other times I think I may have been born too early.

I missed by a smidgeon a totally different system of education which I may or probably would not have enjoyed but could fantasize on or dream of.  (never finish a sentence with a preposition) 

When I was in primary school just before they opened the very first new "polyvalente" school my options for the future were thus:

1. Classical 

for the great brains who wanted to study humanities and languages and all the great classics, who wanted to read all Cicero or Plato  in their original languages: Latin and Greek respectively.

For the "bolés" as we called them in Quebec back then.

2. Scientific

for the other kind of "bolés" who liked maths more than english or french and liked to study maths, physics, chemistry etc

3. General

for the hoi polloi the riff raff and the rest of them that didn't quit after high school or go to a trade school

Classical studies has always been a dream of mine but then again it was never to happen for many reason a) they quit that system the very year I entered high school and b) I wasn't cut out for it having been ruined much earlier. 

There was a kind teacher in year 7,
Mr St-Onge (my mother's maiden name strangely enough) who tried to rescue me but he came a little too late.
The damage that the other St-Onge had done was irremediable.

Anyway 

I could of ;) done my own education and read all the great books but history says I didn't. 

Chose the Drugs and Rock and Roll road instead and look where that led me now :P

Speaking of that Mr. St-Onge I bawl my eyes
out every time I hear this song from
 Alexandre Poulin: L'écrivain.

I am always reminded of this story of this French Canadian girl who was trying to use this expression once I bawled my eyes out and said instead:

I cried my balls out! LOL

Over and Out

 

Chains We Cannot See

 

 

Holy Lord spirit, set us free

From chains we cannot see

~ Keith Green

Always loved this expression:

CHAINS WE CANNOT SEE!

How many CHAINS WE CANNOT SEE do we have?

We don't know because WE CANNOT SEE!

There are countless chains of the mind, innumerable.

All of Freud's defence mechanisms
plus the numerous logical fallacies we believe,
all the confirmation BIASES we have
and great lacunas we have in epistemology.  

IQ is never enough to overcome all of these.

Another big one seems to be
not as much socio-economical sometimes
(even though this one is a big one too)
as GEOGRAPHICAL.

Americans all fall in the same holes,
so do French and Italians and the whole world. 

Strangely enough the best religion always seems to be the one you're in where you are.
More than often the best political party is the one your father was in and all your ancestors.

Children are bound early by extreme cultural pressure and don't dare to fly on their own. 
Especially that flying on your own in many different culture will just get you KILLED.

Ostracization ALSO plays a huge role in controlling your peers.

Basically we ALL are horses with blinders
 to keep us away from being distracted or separated from the holy flock,
the holiest flock there is, if one likes being a sheep.

Our vision, our understanding is awfully limited and even more limited by the fact we don't know we have these blinders we're a bit like Plato's cave dwellers aren't we?

The most intelligent of us know nothing. 
They can't save us.

While I am on this subject

My next blog should be titled:

ALGORITHMS? Good or pure Evil?

I realised as I was watching an enlightening video on nutrition on YouTube that I was going to be inundated now with every charlatan on the planet trying to sell me his tripe.

Hard to decipher anything to start with but even harder when 

THE GAME IS RIGGED and you are spoon-fed partial information for the only purpose again to sell you MORE TRIPE.

The bowling alley is NOT levelled
and you ALWAYS end up in the gutter.
It's like trying to win at these claws machine
or beat the house at the casino.
THE HOUSE ALWAYS WIN.

So if no one can't see a thing why am I trying to see through the mud and darkness now?

Maybe even the belief that there is an answer (a truth) is a delusion itself
another chain that keeps us down
a bit like the matrix,
we need the challenge to feel important
but we are not important:

WE ARE INSIGNIFICANT all of us.

The word seeker and searcher being mirages to keep us going in this desert.

Mind you the blue pill of delusion seems tempting sometimes because who knows what reality really is?

MORPHEUS (cont’d): What you know you can’t explain, but you feel it. You’ve felt it your entire life—that there’s something wrong with the world. You don’t know what it is, but it’s there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I’m talking about?

NEO: What truth?

MORPHEUS: That you are a slave, Neo. 

Like everyone else, you were born into bondage.

 

Born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch.

 

A prison for your mind.

So like Creed and Scott Stapp I ask?

Have I created my own prison?

Or was it created for me?

Or are we born a slave , a serf, like Morpheus says?

Are we born in a prison?

And the only Great Escape / Freedom is Death Itself?

Give me freedom or give me death?

Give me freedom BY giving me death?

From my poor limited POV no one was ever free.

Not Einstein, not Oppenheimer, not Proust, not Oscar Wilde, 

no poet, no scientist , no one ever.

(funnily enough the Creed song is now followed by Don't Fear the Reaper lol funny algorithms again)

Shit tons of ink has been poured

 a gazillion of zeros and ones have been wasted 

(digital communications)   including mine

and still we will never know.

I will never ever know but I will keep asking 'til my last breath.

The pursuit of knowledge and wisdom is probably the most futile waste of energy while this planet exists.

Because after all the short passage of consciousness in this universe in infinitesimal in cosmic time
and prophet Farrokh Bulsara was right once again and came the closest to the ultimate wisdom and knowledge:

Nothing really matters, 

anyone can see

Nothing really matters

Nothing really matters to me

Any way the wind blows ♫♪♫

on a last controversial note one of the biggest blinding prison ever is RELIGION

We live under the grand delusion that we matter...

 We live under the grand delusion that we matter...

... partly because our conception of time is extremely myopic.

My great great grandfather married 3 times had 21 children 

and I am the product of his number 17 

There is already an infinitesimal chance of "our" sperm winning that race multiply this now by an infinitesimal number of "what ifs' and well here we are against all odds.

‘O me! O life! Of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?’

Answer: That you are here - FOR NOW

 that life exists, FOR NOW

and identity; FOR NOW

that the powerful play goes on FOR NOW

and you may contribute a verse. FOR NOW

That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse.

What will your verse be?

in 9 billion years ( the total existence of the earth if we are to believe some scientists, considering the solar system may not survive the Andromeda / Milky Way Collision)

in 9 billion years from now what will your verse be?

I'll tell you. Your little verse if you ever had one will be

ATOMISED, VAPORISED, ANNIHILATED and scattered all over the universe with no records left and no one to measure those records like this tree falling in the forest with no one to hear it.

“I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.”

― Dorothy Parker

LIKE TEARS IN RAIN

 

I was born too early.

Or too late who knows? lol

I had a nice "stream of consciousness" earlier and all in French funnily enough and I let it pass and didn't write it down and now It's all gone... like tears in rain. 

I feel a bit like Pharaoh and his lost dream.  

Funny how heroes of the past were basically 

mentalists and tricksters: 

Joseph my homonym.

Anyway had I been born later brings a gazillion maybes. 

I am expecting the day where they find a cure for adult neuroblastoma and go nice timing assholes.

Also it may not all be as good as it seems as Charlie Booker has shown us time and time again.  

Recalling every single auditive and visual memory may not be as good as one thinks.

Prolly a bit narcissistic in fact to want to do so 

to use the n word again.

Trying to remember a bit and it might lose something in translation it was about a comment I got on my 4th booster and me using the word holy trinity and offending a holy roller.

How moot it was to try any debate or discussion on this subject since I HAD been there for years and years and there was no argument back then that would have convinced me whatsoever. 

My self-righteousness was an impregnable fortress.

I was thinking how much I hate the word "SIN" 

since this word has been used for thousands of years 

by every charlatan and control freak on the planet to use a non existent power to CONTROL his peers his equals if not superiors.

But if there was one SIN and only one well it would be this one:

SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS.  

It's a hideous ugly beast impossible to tame.

So here it is in a nutshell: diluted vapors of past vapors.

If meditation teaches us one thing is that thoughts are pretty well just that coming and going or RISING and FALLING as this monk says just like our BREATH... RISING... FALLIN... Risin'... Fallin'

TIL ONE DAY it falls and never RISES again no matter what delusion one might have about the afterlife.

THE original words for SPIRIT AND SOUL in Hebrew and In Greek are just that BREATH!  HOT AIR.  And when it's gone YOU'RE GONE.  

No AIR No Life an inexorable law of nature.

Harsh reality I know to realise that the best person you have ever known and the evilest person who ever existed are just EQUAL now.

FLATTENED even by the Great Equaliser personalised under the Grim Reaper.

That feeling reminds me of that French Canadian Poem I quote once in a while.

Devant le feu

Émile NELLIGAN

Recueil : "Émile Nelligan et son œuvre - Le Jardin de l'Enfance"

Par les hivers anciens, quand nous portions la robe,

Tout petits, frais, rosés, tapageurs et joufflus,

Avec nos grands albums, hélas ! Que l’on n’a plus,

Comme on croyait déjà posséder tout le globe !

Assis en rond, le soir, au coin de feu, par groupes,

Image sur image, ainsi combien joyeux

Nous feuilletions, voyant, la gloire dans les yeux,

Passer de beaux dragons qui chevauchaient en troupes !

Je fus de ces heureux d’alors, mais aujourd’hui,

Les pieds sur les chenets, le front terne d’ennui,

Moi qui me sens toujours l’amertume dans l’âme,

J’aperçois défiler, dans un album de flamme,

Ma jeunesse qui va, comme un soldat passant,

Au champ noir de la vie, arme au poing, toute en sang !

the first half being life as a delusional believer

the second being facing reality.

You can do your own translation if you'd like
to all my non-readers.

Anyway if I have learned one thing lately is that all debates are rather sterile moot and utterly  pointless:

All these intellectuals proud giants wielding their humongous dicks publicly and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM after hours and hours of debate goes back exactly to what he was before the debate.

Obviously Paul Simon was smarter than all of them.

Now the years are rolling by me

They are rockin' evenly

I am older than I once was

And younger than I'll be

But that's not unusual

No it isn't strange

After changes upon changes

We are more or less the same

After changes

We are more or less the same

Lie-la-lie...

Mind you I am not the same...
I have gone from devout choirboy (in Latin and all)
to zealous fringe evangelical maniac
to now a staunch non-believer / atheist
(some prefer the word agnostic, semantics, semantics)

It just SEEMS to me the only logical outcome to all this madness we have created and an unfortunate twist in our simian evolution to make things so false and so complicated with as many  different versions of "TRUTH" as there are individuals. 

TRUTH SUPPOSEDLY BEING ALETHEIA or A LACK OF CONCEALMENT  AND FUCK KNOWS THIS WORLD IS CHOCK FULL OF CONCEALMENT AND TREACHERY EVERYWHERE

not counting the very things we conceal to our very selves.

I guess we all belong in the Twisted Sisters band :P

So here it is my latest addition in this pandemic to my struggling poor blog 

for no one to read again 

nowhere men 

all on the road to nowhere...

halfway there 

just like Supertramp's RUDY.

Fair Game for the Reaper

 

So far this week I have "seen" two 66 yrs old and one 67 die.

At 66 now, it is quite clear to me
that I AM Fair Game for the Grim REAPER.

As a Matter of Fact we ALL ARE fair game for the reaper

but still as you age the odds get bigger and bigger. 

Remember in this game of Life that the HOUSE ALWAYS WIN.

Entropy is INEXORABLE. (Cannot be prayed out of literally )

or as Dorothy Parker says :

"I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, 

but in all history, 

which has held billions and billions of human beings, 

not a single one ever had a happy ending." 

Talking to myself aka should of built a Smitadin

Here we go, gotta get that story  off my chest,

I was playing with my Ladder Paladin last night, doing a Hell Baal run or two. He is now a proper FISTHIS lol
That is his name: Fist of Heaven all the way
no TryBrid no nothing and no special gear either,
no HOZ yet, (Herald of Zakarum)

First I get killed by fanatic Stygian Dolls in the throne room then as I get to Baal Chamber who shows up? 

Well the Diablo Clone Himself, first time in years.
(I had an episode a little earlier where he showed up but I never saw him since I was naked and  my body was behind miles of Lightning Shooting Gloams)

FOH, wasn't going to work here.  Holy Bolt neither so my only chance was with a lvl 6 Smite and lvl 6 Fanaticism. 

I had him down to about a sliver and then HELL BROKE LOOSE literally.

I died many times just trying to get back to my body either because I forgot a TP or didn't have time to use one. Them Lightning Gloams again.  Plus when I resurrected my merc a million time I withdrew like 800000 gold and forgot to put the rest back so I lost that too a few times.

So after an hours of sweat and tears and frustration I finally called it quits very reluctantly. 

I had no Full Rejuvs left after using a WHOLE inventory stash of them, I wasted 3 million gold in various stupid ways.

I had a Lightsaber  luckily and a life tap wand as well but it wasn't enough.

What needed to be done and I Didn't want to do it is use my last  respec (in hell diff luckily) to build a FULL SMITADIN but then my best char would be reduced to fight the clone and that is IF I have made a Lobby game and can transfer chars.

I have just DONE a 2nd respec to FOH so  I still wanted to try this build properly and until I find an infamous token of absolution that will take a long long time.

I lost sleep over this arduous ordeal and almost lost my D2R MOJO altogether. 

O well I have a new Guardian armour I have to try now not for me since I don't have the strength req but for my merc to see how he handles these Travincal Hydras at now 87% resist all

And there is always something to work on as usual.  My Javazon is getting a little tiring in hell diff as everyone and his mate are lightning immune.

I prolly need to work on my Necro on my 2nd account on the laptop so maybe he can carry her to all these Hell Baal runs too.

My sorc needs some work as well.

I might just live to see another day :|

O well Life goes on says John Cougar Mellencamp

Long after the thrill of livin' is gone

To my poor dying blog

I realise this is a slow year and a normal process for a blog.

This site here used to tell IIRC how many blogs die each day.

Anyway just a short note / trigger to repeat the same old thing again the trigger this time being this

Always an interesting concept to deal with guilt and all the Freudian defence mechanisms  carried around many religions.  The word SIN bugs me to no end as it has been used for the evilest thing by the evilest people for control reasons, HELL I even hate the word EVIL lol:
All man-made concepts that came with consciousness.

As a quick note as this is pretty well the only thing I want to repeat today on that famous word SIN of which I have written much about before

The ONLY SIN AFAIAC IS:

SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS

The common concept in so so many historical dramas and history.

Because in the end as Andre Fortin said:
Y'a pas d'coupables, Y'a pas de honte.

But SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS ,
(comparable to the old unforgivable HUBRIS in Greek Mythology,)
 is the source and the head of much much much UGLINESS in this world.

Watching Gentleman Jack this week has reminded me of that too.

So here it is for the moment my short repeat of a repeat of a repeat

Ciao for now back to the illusions of Diablo :P 

P.S. O well there was a time when I had a search bar in  my blog but now I can't find it so to read some of my old ramblings if you can find it search for HAMARTIA