The future is uncertain and the end is always near

Depression...well at least that is what they call it.

Insert big sigh here.

Last few days haven't been my best.

Had some strange thoughts 

some would call 'em suicide ideation

that the best logical thing to do these days would be to off myself.

Should maybe try some opiates before I write this to see if I feel better: they usually work as a last resort.

But I just can feel my brain slipping away living the Charlie Gordon nightmare.

Just this morning I had two short tabs open one on Freud and the other I forgot already but "interesting" subjects anyway and I closed them even before reading any of it saying Fuck it. I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY, or the brains left.

Give me Ritalin or give me death is what it is getting at.

As hypochondriac as I can get the only scan I would like right now is a brain scan even though I doubt there would be any explanation for my current condition.

Why am I hanging on for? 
What do I bring to society? 
What is society bringing to me? 
I am utterly fucking useless if you ask me.

Anyway this cloud will lift I hope 

Time will tell

and then there is this dreaded 4th of September coming too but I don't think it is the main source of my troubles.

More like a gradual merciless decline in brain activity real or imagined.

can't even think of anything else to say

Maybe the fact I had a nightmare last night where the last 20 years of my life disappeared didn't help.