Sunday, March 11, 2018

Social Media and Old Age :)

There is a strange thing going on these days well strange to my old eyes anyway.

It is the appropriating of any generic whiny poor little misunderstood betrayed suffering me and making it your own as if it was your creation and your WHOLE life story.

One reads something and says oh yeah that is so ME and shares it right away when and where if one started to think and analyse for a second one could see it is a generic saying a bit like a horoscope and does not identify one's whole life story.

maybe it's a millennial thing. I totally fail to get millennials it must be a sign of the ages.

Nothing new under the sun.

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
 Mike & The Mechanics - The Living Years Lyrics 

Every generation
Blames the one before

It just seems to make it hard to figure out one's personality when the only Simulacra and Simulation 
(to quote Baudrillart here)
is a bunch of lame glued together memes.

Not sure what the future of Social Medias will be.
I am afraid that Charlie Brooker might be our own contemporary prophet of Doom 

in his canonical Black Mirror.

Speaking of Black Mirror and Millennials I was horrified by this recently.

It's the same thing on the train though. Everyone completely absorbed by their black mirror. 

Mine is usually in my pocket or in my bag LOL attached to my earbuds to block out the rest of the noisy world anyway, for the few who are not glued to their black mirror.

I find Facebook more and more depressing and from a discussion I had just this week with my doctor I am not the only one apparently.  

I stay off Twitter and am way too old for Instamatic anyway.

Another good example was this Fox app or some other TV app advertisement and this rich spoiled little girl who was totally bored and absolutely rude to her boyfriend because she had seen everything on the bus here and there and did not shy away from showing her boredom

( reminds me of that fake millennial ad on Subway Chicken too lol yawning at boring chicken)

My own adolescence was absolutely troubled and messed up don't get me wrong.

I went from hash, to mescaline, to acid, to cranking meth,  back to mescaline by the tea spoon in no time and I ended up in a detox centre and homeless by the time I was 20 

but STILL I am quite thankful (even though I had no choice in the matter) that I am not a teenager in this day and age. (even though today's teenagers would hardly qualify as millennials I suppose)

Anyway here is my old fart new rant for today.

Ciao for now

Death will be the Great Equaliser! 

Friday, February 16, 2018

More empty sounds

After all it is my "name",
 my "handle" :

What is a binary number in Greek now? 

Because to be fair I should be called empty binary numbers since this is what a blog is.

so here it goes again.

Maybe I am a psychopath but why in the world would I bother reading about another school shooting?

Jordan Peterson who says he hasn't watched news in donkeys years is fascinated by all this dark madness and so am I to a point.  

Trying to analyse the shadow and all and our dark repressed side.

It just gets tedious after a while, 17 in less than two months and to which ones do you pay more attention now?

As I was just saying I have always tended to swim against the tide so no Game of Thrones for me or Housewives series.  

I was a bit disappointed when a big intellect chatting with J.P. said she was a fan.

No needs for news to know that 
the US of A are slightly fucked up 
and different from other "civilised" nations.  

Money talks and bullshit walks 

and the solution is not in a foreseeable future.

What I can't wait for now is a TV that totally skips the ads even if I have to record the thing and watch it later so I don't ever have to see that Gina's face again (even in fast forward) especially when I am having dinner.  Yucks.

Googlebox and reactions youtube viral videos? 

What is the world coming to? 

What is next? 

Back to real gladiators?

This habit of pitting nasty vicious people against so-called nice people to get grinding of the teeth and foaming of the mouth of the hoi polloi reminds me a lot of the wrestling world.

Them producers must travel a lot to scout the scum of the earth.

And then again people get all up in arms for a short time when 17 kids die in a western country and at the same time don't give a flying fuck about a thousand baby's arms  flying up in the air from drones especially if they are brown. (the kids not the drones)

We're all FUBAR and hypocrites 

bottom line methinks at times.

Speaking of hypocrites LOL 

Jordan Peterson is always foaming at the mouth at Justin Trudeau over this and that, the main reason being I think that Peterson at heart is an Albertan, a rich Albertan at that and with the failure of the NDP having no chance of ever winning an election is therefore just another Conservative like Harper and his "let's bring on the Armageddon" mates. Even intelligent people are chained by their environment.

He was harping over Trudeau deciding to make the cabinet 50/50 ration of males and females when the electorate has only elected 25% of females 

stating mindbogglingly 

that a cabinet was chosen on competence??? 



 In what world? 

On what planet?

Nepotism is and has always ruled 

and oligarchy and plutocracy and what not.  

Just look at your beloved Russia for instance 

or just south to the US

 or any other race with an apparently higher IQ average.

And when he becomes rich and famous 
and he needs a personal assistant 

did he have a competence test? 


Guess who he hired ? 

Well his own daughter of course 

because that his the way things work in a hierarchy 
when you're not a lobster.

End of rant and small blog for now :P 

Monday, February 12, 2018

Socratic approach to Jordan Peterson

trying to clear my mind on a subject I know nothing about
therefore the Socratic part.

Been pondering on the new icon Jordan Peterson lately and how he sounds too good to be true.

At first I must say as I am known to I was quite fascinated with him, nearly obsessed, but without going total splitting on him I always step back to have a wider look.

I have many suspicions about him that I can't put my finger on and I am certainly not equipped for a match of wit or so called debate with a high intellectual even though well read looks interesting and fascinating the fact remains that many if not most well read people are still asshole or FOS as I often say, Full Of Shit.

Obviously he does have some strong biases on the way he read the Russsians, 
Solzhenitsyn / Soljenitsyne /Soljenitsin
nd Fyodor Dostoyevsky / Fiodor Dosto├»evski 
 (I wish the world could agree on ONE spelling of Russian names)
The very fact that he named his daughter Mikhaila after Gorbachev is quite revealing actually.

Plus we are talking authors that went through the wringer, through a lot of suffering and one of them even had a syndrome named after him but the name was later changed if I got all this right. When I first googled Dosto it gave me the Dosto syndrome which sent me here:

So basically taking all of Fyodor's preaching at face value has the same psychological value as taking all of the writing of Paul the Apostle at face value considering he too fell off his horse and more than likely was manic before he became delusional with temporal lobe damage as well.

Trying to keep my thoughts together here there are a lot of alarm bells that rings when it comes to JP.  

For one thing as much as he hates the expression white privilege, it is so fucking obvious that he would not have the same standing if he was an Asian woman let's say or even an Indian teacher.

And his high praise of IQ is at best laughable as so many high IQ's are utter fucking morons and psychopathic assholes without even mentioning the Unabomber.  

Trudeau the father could have probably wiped the floor with him and I am sure the two would not agree.

JP's association with Jonathan Haidt bugs me to as I have made my position clear about Haidt a few times. 

Also his risible idea that one organises a cabinet or a government with competent people FFS 
wake up and smell the coffee 
and look around you.  

A competent Knesset would be such an oxymoron, 

the American "cabinet" is a fucking joke of oligarchy 
yet JP praises Trump as an "intelligent" man.  

Sure Justin might not be perfect but Harper was a fucking disaster 
so in the choice between two evils 
I would choose the lesser. 

Of course rich self sufficient people always want the right conservative to win in their lobster hierarchy.

Harper transformed Canada known as a peacekeeper nation into America's bitch and sent hundred of young Canadians to die needlessly with shoddy equipment because of course the rich hierarchy would not waste money of saving POOR motherfucker's life.  

And Trudeau brought the old age pension BACK to 65 IIRC
which means nothing for self sufficient rich fucks but means the world to the thousands of poor motherfuckers struggling out there every day just to survive Those people who cannot afford houses, luxuries, and flying first class with all expenses paid.

So self righteous self made men always seem to fall for that shit. 

Even the great Hitchens fell for it and well discussing with Harris is like giving you two options between the right and the right.

Speaking of also his unapologetic "Christianism" is bizarre at best for an intellectual and a "scientist" even though many shy away from calling Psychology a science. 

All his Jungian reading has made him mad to paraphrase Festus here.

Suddenly, Festus shouted, "Paul, you are insane. Too much study has made you crazy!" Acts 26:24

Plus there is more to adhering to religion than intellect there is a tremendous social emotional pressure to fit in especially if you wanna go up in that so-called hierarchy needless to remind you that there never was an atheist American President top of that hierarchy bullshit pile.

So here it is in a few words just trying to collect my thoughts together on the subject by writing some notes down.

While I am here on the subject it surprises me that the great intellect psychologist has not diagnoned himself as bipolar recognising the depression while tending to forget the obvious manias.

Don't get me wrong I like the man for the moment considering viral memes go stale at the speed of light in this crazy age.  

He seems to walk the walk as much as he talks the talk but still this statistical cold truth bugs me as if it has always been like this and it should always be. 

Let's have war and famines and poverty and backstabbing fight to the top with all the corruption and free for all involved.  As cold and unethical as let's say making people drunk for some study.

Most top of hierarchy people as far as I am concerned are psychopathic criminals where the ends justifies the means 

even though JP tries to point out clearly that it should be done right 

his young crazy followers don't give much of a fuck and continue sending death threats to all who oppose him or them 

and if that is NOT FUCKING CHAOS well nothing is.

I understand he feels that things are somewhat surreal since the infamous interview but I think he might have done more good back in the teaching and clinical hours day which he can't afford anymore since he is too busy making insane amounts of money rehashing the same old bullshit over and over all over the world.

He is paid more in an hour than the poor fuckers Harper sent to die were paid in a year.

Unfair of me you would say? 

O well my opinions never carried much weight obviously but thanks to freedom of speech he cherishes so much I am entitled to them.

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."

P.S. Why focus only on western Judeo Christian Mythology now it seems so parochial so provincial Why not the older other mythical stories. 

Greek mythology has thousands of lessons, 

so would Shakespeare really.  

Oriental mythology is widely unexplored and probably funner. 

These old genocidal incestuous 700 B.C. old stories are certainly not the best example now?  

As IF they were ever real FFS? 
Adam and Eve? 
Cain and Abel? 
Lot and his lot etc.

It seems to me such a waste of time to study so many lies.

End of Rant for the mo just glad I deciphered some of that in my mind with ones and zeros now written and posted.

Friday, January 26, 2018

Story for my children

After watching Chocolat for the umpteenth time recently I started having Hot Chocolate now in the morning and even though I am not even close of making it half as good as la Binoche did it reminded of of some good times I had a long time ago.

Back in 1978 early winter your mum and I used to go for long walks in the snow to errrrr cool our hormones mainly LOL

And we discovered this really nice Colombian Cafeteria miles away.  

They just had this awesome awesome Hot Chocolate served straight out of a copper pot into a huge bowl made of real chocolate and subtle spices and all for the price of any regular hot chocolate anywhere.

After a long cold winter walk it was pure heaven I tell ya.

We were very very poor I think we just had had a huge raise on our weekly allowance from $2 to $5 each. 

So that was a huge $10 to spend between the both of us.

So we spent it on hot chocolates and
empanadas or enchiladas or what not they had.

One of the owners took a liking to us and
when we left he always gave us a huge bag of
Empanadas /Enchiladas/ WhatNots
worth more than all we had bought on that night
while his partner gave him the evil eye LOL

Needless to say that business went tits up in no time 

but those were good times.

Scatology and Eschatology again.

Thoughts from last night

Some people worry much about death yet they don't worry at all about the 8 hours "death" they have every single night. 

Sleep, Unconsciousness, coma, death and even Alzheimer/dementia all the same thing really deep down.

Morpheus, Hypnos and Thanatos are all interrelated.

Sure there remains the Hamlet's

What Dreams may or may not come thingie but still unconsciousness, oblivion, being unborn
or being dead is all the same thing. 

We didn't miss it before we won't miss it after.

Same process for every single trillions and trillions of life forms except we think we are "Special" apes very similar to many Rusty Cohle conversations here.

I think human consciousness, is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware, nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself, we are creatures that should not exist by natural law. We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self; an accretion of sensory, experience and feeling, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody is nobody. Maybe the honorable thing for our species to do is deny our programming, stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction, one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal.

The ontological fallacy of expecting a light at the end of the tunnel, well, that’s what the preacher sells, same as a shrink. See, the preacher, he encourages your capacity for illusion. Then he tells you it’s a fucking virtue. Always a buck to be had doing that, and it’s such a desperate sense of entitlement, isn’t it?

If you live to 70 
you spend roughly 400 thousands hours "awake" 
and 200 thousands hours sleeping.

Now the fact that you were sleeping for billions of years before you were born 

and will be sleeping again for another few billion years again 

should not be so dreadful.

The problem obviously came with the invention of religion and scary horror story for the sole purpose to control you and make some money from you again like Rusty said it all started when one monkey looked at the sun and said to the other monkey
 "he said to give me all your bananas/money etc."

It IS the country from where no one has returned therefore no one knows for sure.

I like to think of it as the great Equaliser or the great rest somehow.

No more pain, no more heartbreak, 

no more lies, no more deceit, 

hell no more pissing or shitting even. 

Death IS our one last DUMP.

So when you gotta go, you gotta go. 

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

My story again or part of it anyway

I am 62 years old. I have been Catholic, Protestant, Evangelical and what not. I served mass as a choir boy


Used to get up at 4 am to serve the 6am mass to give me time to tie the hundred buttons on that damn robe. 

The whole province had what they called a quiet revolution in the sixties and the Catholic Church lost a lot of power. 

I strayed away like most nearly killed myself with drugs many a times betweeen 16 and 20

went to a detox centre and shortly after in 1976 I had an 'unfortunate' encounter with a young man that was followed quickly by a "conversion" went to a baptist church and of course a great fall 1 month later .

Another  month gone  and one homeless night in a highly anxious and homeless situation I ended up in a cult for way too many years. 

Well to be exact the 'conversion' was August 12, 1976 and my first entrance in the cult was October 12th. 1976

I got married on June 10th 1978 and left the cult for the first time on June 10th, 1988 disillusioned at the thought of losing my children to other cult's members as I had no choice or no power in the situation.

Needless to say i did not adapt well to the "outside world" and I went back willingly in the cult in June 1990.  I keep a few dates in a document due to my failing memory.

March 1989 33 First time to see the kids in 9 months (9, 7, 5)
24-08-89 33 Dad passed away
June 1990 34 Second Entry
June 1991 35 End of one year “probation”

I was put in "probation" for a whole year and was allowed back with my wife for a whole 9 months and my history with the cult finally ended on March 14th 1992.

I have to confess it took me another zillion years to finally get deprogrammed.

14-03-1992 36 Second Departure from the cult (Kids 12, 10, 8)
      07-1993 37 Serge St Jude
25-12-1993 37 First time to see the kids in One Year and 9 Months (14, 11, 10)
Jan to June 1994 6 months of silence treatment ( 15,12,10)

I lived at my brother for 6 months got kicked out of there and it took me 1 year and nine months to see my kids again after a lengthy battle with depression and the family court laws and dirty low blows false accusations from the cult  where I gained supervised visits (supervised by the cult) where the silence treatment was sometimes suspended to insult me, call me names, deny me, and even spit on me.

(and one wonders why I am not more fucked up than I am, people were questioning my sanity way back then to keep going to this treatment weekly with no money and no cars depending on friends to drive me for an hour (in winter storms sometimes) wait for 3 hours and drive me back home completely shattered.

And I am not even mentioning the insanity going up in my own home as a child which is prolly another reason for early BPD , and ending up in a cult for so long) 

by friends I mean people from a Baptist Church I was attending at the time.)


Once as a baby, once in the cult and ANOTHER time in the cult because obviously I wasn't good enough and I needed more cleansing and even once here AGAIN in Australia at the Church of Christ (along with Sue even).

When did I become a full atheist then? I am not quite sure it happened progressively but is has been many years now and I doubt very much I will revert now to anything else but rational secularism. 

there would be a lot more to say 62 years is a fucking long long time but I have to keep some for the next episodes I suppose! :P 

P.S. I was diagnosed as bipolar a few years ago 2009  but in hindsight it has "always" been there or for a long long time anyway I can assure you that on the night of October 12th, 1976 I was highly manic, hindsight is 20/20.

Thursday, January 11, 2018



I always feel I make myself a little vulnerable when I do this shit but here it goes anyway.
Christmas? OK, New Year's? Boff, I slept though the 'dropping of the ball" Had a grandad nap from about 10PM to 1.

Now to the main dish.

On my birthday Dec 29th I noticed my PATCH was 3 days late.

For those who don't know and I might never have mentioned it I have been on Norspan 20 (Buprenorphine) patches for many years,

I don't remember when exactly and I intend to find out soon but I have old documents of medication list dated 2014 and 2015 and it could be even before that.  Way back then I had a back arm pain that kept me awake at night to run for painkillers every 4 hours. I was diagnosed with spondylitys and put on Norspan by Gino and Brad. ( I always call my doctors by their first names lol)

A few times over the years me being the space cadet that I am I forgot to change my patch for a day or two and I was painfully reminded by insomnia, stomach pains, high anxiety and arm pain as well: regular symptom of withdrawals I assume. (now I write the date on the patch the day I put it on with a Sharpie)

Now on my birthday (after being in pain for many days, just another boring story but for many years now again I get a major infection in my face due I presumed to a fucked up surgery way back then in Fremantle where someone went shit crazy with the carbolic acid after a cyst removal that had to be done twice)

All of this is related to my infamous Gorlin Syndrome which we will talk about again a little further down.) I sure hope I make some fucking sense cuz I have a hard time to follow my fucking story myself.

So where was I? O yeah December 29th 3 days late and no symptoms of witdrawals or extra pain (beside the one in my face) so I said to myself (wisely or not time will tell) so I said to myself Hey one drug less in your system wouldn't hurt you know.

Well well well there has been good days and bad days and hellish days,  Slept 16 hours or couldn't sleep at all, tossing around for hours in pain and insomnia, switching from bed to settee not to wake Sue up with my restlesness and one of the worst part almost a back breaking giving up experience is when I slept from 8am to 7 pm and hardly saw Sue at all.

 I feel better now well a little, still have probs with insomnia and stomach problems too.  I have had days where I didn't need any meds at all ( except form daily shit I take since heart surgery in 2005) and at other times well I need a moderate amount of Panadeine Forte and/or extra codeine and or Valium and even oxycodone sometimes and also Imodium.  I try very hard to be very reasonable with all those I am totally aware that an addiction to codeine that last only 4 hours would be far worse than my addiction to my  weekly patch,

So I hope all of this makes a little sense and explains where my head and body have been through for the past fortnight.

I also get extremely emotional and downright depressed ( I hardly touch my games anymore) and I wasn't feeling too well either on Monday when I went to Fiona Stanley for an exam for my next surgeries for my reoccurring BCC's.  I almost came out in tears and quite deflated because they mentioned the 2 DREADED WORDS AGAIN:  SKIN GRAFT.

I just finished suffering a month of hellish, burning pain and lack of sleep because of the last one and now they wanna do ANOTHER already.  Something big behind my other ear apparently. Seeing my dejection they said they were gonna do their best to avoid it but it might not be possible. I asked em to pick a donor side where I could sleep somehow but it is all complicated after all they don't want hair growing from the back of my year apparently LOL

So this is where I am at.  I am seeing my GP on the 18th and my 'shrink' on the 30th.  I intend to ask him for the 10 and 5 patches just in case it gets too much at least it would feel like half a victory if I can cut in half and not 2 weeks of utter pain and failure.

FSH (Fiona Stanley Hospital) will send me the usual letters for my next appointment Within a month they say.

P.S. In my self-diagnosis ( I often try to analyse biological factors) I was a bit surprised that my spondylitis seems to have gone and that triceps horrible pain does not seem to be a problem anymore.  No one will even know why I suppose but a lot of my health and body troubles seem to be related to that magic 100 kgs, And since I broke under the hunnerd again in my past trip to France well maybe the nerves have readjusted to less weight pressure who the fuck knows?

In the famous words of Dr Claire Lewicki / Nicole Kidman again
One of my top five quotations ever

Dr. Claire Lewicki: Control is an illusion, you infantile egomaniac. Nobody knows what's gonna happen next: not on a freeway, not in an airplane, not inside our own bodies and certainly not on a racetrack with 40 other infantile egomaniacs.

Sometimes I don't even know why I write all that since hardly anyone reads my blogs but it gives me a hard record anyway of facts and dates

P.P.S. I just checked with my pharmacist who would have better records than my doctor since my doctor archived all records when they moved to Safety Bay
Anyway First Norspan script ever was

December 6th, 2011

So 6 full years on that shit.