Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Knowledge is not the answer.

For one thing even if it was it's just not good enough

And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge, I am nothing.

PLUS C.S. Lewis and Georges Orwell had a bit of comprehension of the spirit of the days. the god of this world.

In "The Screwtape Letters" C S Lewis wrote something to the effect that humans are forever classifying philosophies of various sorts according to
whether they are "modern" or "oldfashioned, "freethinking" or "conventional", "ruthless" or "outdated". He has his senior devil warn his junior never
to allow a human to think about whether an idea is actually true or not. Once a human has gotten into the habit of asking "is this true or not?", who
knows where it might lead?

How could you have a slogan like "freedom is slavery" when the concept of freedom has been abolished? The whole climate of thought will be
different. In fact there will be no thought, as we understand it now. Orthodoxy means not thinking—not needing to think. Orthodoxy is

In fact Aristotle had a good idea too of going nowhere with his 3 musketeers: Ethos, Pathos and Eros errr I mean Logos. :)

Add to this endless rhetorics, spin, arguments, countless kinds of fallacies, greed, lust, hatred, anger, ignorance, stupidity and delusion and you have
a tiny start to imagining the impossible task of UNEARTHING the TRUTH.
Might as well try to find peace and silence at the Knesset!

He is proud, knowing nothing, but doting about questions and strifes of words, whereof cometh envy, strife, railings, evil surmisings,
Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.
But godliness with contentment is great gain.
For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.
And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.

So basically my almost every morning question "Who am I? Where am I? What's the purpose of life?" has no intellectual answer.

Now on top of all this let's add on a legion of disorders and there we go on the roller coaster of so called reality.
I still consider it an honour and a glory though to be considered "disorderly" in this world.

Fate and/or genetics and/or GAD and/or or God Himself had decided I was going to be quite different and I say Amen to that.

GAD I discovered is an old Semitic God of Fate and Fortune: two more unanswerable equations in this whole esoteric and mysterious mess.

But GAD is also another disorder I can add on top of my domino effect here, my legion coming back to haunt me of old, I being the inbred child of satyr and a harpy myself. :)

Doctor of Disorders

Dr. Joseph Caissy B.D.II, SPD*, OCPD. BPD, GAD

DSM-IV-TR = 296.89

DSM-IV-TR = 301.22

DSM-IV-TR = 301.4

DSM-IV-TR = 301.83

DSM-IV-TR = 300.02

*Schizotypal Personality Disorder

So now that makes me a Prophet of GAD! :)

A little more to the equation, a couple of defective chromosomes, 9 and 22, a very dysfunctional family (Someone once said I have YET to meet a
functional family), 15 years of cult mind melting, drugs and alcohol to kill a horse and at at a higher level than any nation et VOILA!


C'EST MOI! :) In all my Glory!

Oh yeah for the authorities spying on me here I ONLY drink alcohol these days: the legal shit! :)
But I drink more than a small nation and I am rewriting the book on what is heavy drinking.
Russia drinks an average of 18 litres of pure alcohol per capita, bunch of wusses, I drink FIFTY FIVE.
They call 50 g of alcohol a day heavy drinking, I call it a good start!
120g is decent more than that and my old body pays.
Australian, 3rd in the world in beer drinking has 110 l per capita,
Czech #1 has 157 l.
I average 700 plus!
And not only that most of the beer in the world is piss at 4 to 5 %,
mine hovers between 7 and 10%.

So here it is in a NUT shell, pun intended.

Knowledge is useless so let's try to find love instead!

Ecc 12:1 Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;
Ecc 12:2 While the sun, or the light, or the moon, or the stars, be not darkened, nor the clouds return after the rain:
Ecc 12:3 In the day when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened,
Ecc 12:4 And the doors shall be shut in the streets, when the sound of the grinding is low, and he shall rise up at the voice of the bird, and all the daughters of musick shall be brought low;
Ecc 12:5 Also when they shall be afraid of that which is high, and fears shall be in the way, and the almond tree shall flourish, and the grasshopper shall be a burden, and desire shall fail: because man goeth to his long home, and the mourners go about the streets:
Ecc 12:6 Or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be broken, or the pitcher be broken at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the cistern.
Ecc 12:7 Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.
Ecc 12:8 Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity.

Ecc 12:12 And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.

P.S. I just realised what killed Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, River Phoenix, Bon Scott, and many others:....


The only reason I am not dead with the ridiculous massive quantities of drugs and/or alcohol I have taken in my life is probably because I've always

been a 200 pounders plus. Put the same quantities in a 100 lbs body and I am so dead! Ok maybe one of the reasons then! :)
Considering my last discussion of whether there is or there isn't a "TIME" appointed for each one of us no matter what.

And to Natalie Merchant again I don't care whether you think I am self destructive or not, anyway I should not matter to you since I will be just like

you in a short time , forgotten and unknown. Us mad people have a logic to our madness. Or maybe it's just an Icarus Complex?

A constellation of mental conflicts...
Hey maybe I am on to something here again! GAD! Icarus! Narcissus! Sysiphus! My Legion!

My Icarus Complex was rather meaning to get so close to the light to want the light so much you get consumed by it.
I want the truth but like Jack said I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! OBVIOUSLY!
Considering I was lied to from day one, no wonder.
Always wondered why my parents never had a wedding anniversary like all the others in school! :)

Icarus complex
Psychiatry A constellation of mental conflicts, the degree of which reflects the imbalance between a person's desire for success, achievement, or

material goods, and the ability to achieve those goals; the greater the gap between the idealized goal and reality, the greater the likelihood of failure.

toxic core
Psychiatry A 'factor' hypothesized to ↑ cardiovascular mortality–CM in type As, who are angry, cynical, distrustful, and repress marked hostility

towards others. See Negative emotions, Toxic emotion, Type A personality.


Friday, January 1, 2010


Came into this world with nothing and so far I still have most of it.
And that is what I will leave also.

No worries like Solomon about my progeniture wasting it all away.

I mean a blog is no Orwell or Huxley or H.G. Wells or even Agatha Christie or even worse Barbara Cartland God forbid.

I mean I feel the former were more useful to the world than the latter.
Mind you I learned of few things from Sherlock Holmes like for instance to not crowd your mind, a limited space, with facts that will be useless for your purpose in life. And my wife will tell you she learned a lot from crime novels in fact in this house we don't call them "who done it?" we call them "how to". When she looks for a crime novel she heads in the DYI and Self Help section at the bookstore.

Many great authors have left their "MARKS" but what does a blogger leave?

A Legacy is what someone or something is remembered for or what they have left behind that is remembered, revered or has impacted current events and the present day.


left behind; old or no longer in active use

Considering how many blogs die like Ira Hayes drunk and forgotten in a ditch, a blog is more like a lottery ticket really, useless if it doesn't win anything, an invalid scratchie.

Maybe a little less polluting depending on the carbon tax on my screen light and yours.

O well I COULD think of much worst things to do with my time and who knows maybe just one of them atoms will hook somewhere important like this turtle egg among millions that survives all the odds against it.

While I do it I FEEL creative no matter what and I can get back to it and look at it or use it to reorganize my thoughts and my history.

Bridge and Chess in comparison seem more futile even though at times I think everything IS futile but then again if something gives you more pleasure than another then it is somewhat LESS futile in a futile world. :)

Life could be worst and I could be Cool Hand Luke condemned to forced labours and then we might have here is a huge fucking FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE! LOL

P.S. which remind me one day I might have to put an MA rating on my blog here! :) Mild to Coarse Language.