Sunday, April 25, 2010


1Ti 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

1Ti 6:11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.


2Ti 3:2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

Luk 16:13 No servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

Luk 16:14 And the Pharisees also, who were covetous, heard all these things: and they derided him.

Luk 16:15 And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.

covetous = philarguros





Thayer Definition:

1) the use or the administering of drugs

2) poisoning

3) sorcery, magical arts, often found in connection with idolatry and fostered by it

4) metaphorically the deceptions and seductions of idolatry


Like War it has nothing to do with care for people and justice and wisdom

Schools and Universities are sponsored by pharmaceutical companies

Billions and billions of $$$$$$$ that is a very loud voice and some high class call girl.

When this pharmakeia rep shows up at the doctor’s office usually in high heels and tight skirt you think it is for reason to prevail?


They don’t wear the long pointy black hat anymore and had that nose wart has been surgically removedJ.

So does your shrink give you a scientific informed counselling or script or is he/she just doing what they re told and paid for and by?

Global pharmaceutical sales were $629bn in 2007, of which around 45% was generated in the US and 9% in Japan. Europe accounted for 30% (with France, Germany, the UK and Italy the biggest markets). The Asia Pacific and Latin America regions accounted for almost 7% and 4% respectively. The biggest healthcare segment is cardiovascular, which includes treatments for high blood pressure, cholesterol and diabetes. The value of pharmaceutical sales in the CV segment was $145m in 2007. Other important sectors were neuroscience ($120m in sales), infection ($67bn), respiratory & inflammation ($48bn), cancer ($39bn), gastrointestinal ($37bn),


Money talks and bullshit walks.


The World's Top 20 Prescription Drugs in 2008 by global sales

Lipitor $13.4bn Pfizer

Zyprexa $4.7bn Eli Lilly

Plavix / Iscover $9.5bn BMS/Sanofi-Aventis

Seroquel $4.7bn AstraZeneca/Astellas Seretide /

Advair $7.7bn Glaxo SmithKline

Humira $4.5bn Abbott

Enbrel $7.7bn Amgen/Wyeth

Singulair $4.3bn Merck & Co

Remicade $6.2bn Johnson & Johnson/Schering-Plough

Actos $4.3bn Takeda/Eli Lilly

Diovan $5.7bn Novartis Lovenox /

Clexane $4.0bn Sanofi-Aventis

MabThera $5.5bn Roche/Genentech

Effexor $3.9bn Wyeth

Nexium $5.2bn AstraZeneca Atacand /

Biopress $3.5bn Takeda/AstraZeneca

Avastin $4.8bn Roche/Genentech

Crestor $3.8bn AstraZeneca

Herceptin $4.7bn Roche/Genentech Gleevec /

Glivec $3.7bn Novartis

Seroquel $4.7bn !

Seroquel $4.7 BILLIONS! $4.7 BILLIONS! $4,700,000,000

And you are expecting the Truth?



Bigger than GDP of most countries only 16 countries make more

165 countries DON'T!

Seroquel alone makes more money than 40 countries.

So here it is another info session about money and truth never shaking hands.

Do whatever you want with it. I still take my meds but I just try to know the behind the scene as well.

The many instances where Pharmaceuticals Companies have lied through their teeth and falsified data are only the tip of the iceberg. I don’t consider a doctor or a specialist to be a better person or even better informed we all are brainwashed into some form of greedy lies from birth.

And as I quoted previously

for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Knowledge of Good & Evil

Good and Evil

Gen 2:16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:

Gen 2:17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

See the PROBLEM is SHE wasn’t there when HE said that and shit’s been hitting the fan ever since.

Contrary to popular belief it was NOT the Tree of Knowledge that was forbidden and dangerous, it was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Because ever since “we” took that decision and that role on us hell has broken loose. Everyone is a fucking Napoleon now a little Pope of his own and the not so Holy Inquisition and he or she will tell YOU what is good and evil and you better listen or you WILL die for the simple reason that they made themselves each and everyone a little god, a judge AND an executioner.

Everyone does it, every single one think he’s a little god and knows the truth and knows what is good and what is bad when in fact and in reality we know fuck all and morals keep changing, what is good today, is obsolete tomorrow and what was good back then is not any good anymore.

One frowns at you when you swear in public whatever swearing is according to them, one who says fricking thinks he is so much better and holier than the one who honestly says fucking.

Victorian Hypocrisy and Pharisaic Hypocrisy have been rampant since the creation of the world with so many people so preoccupied with the outside of the cup and appearances but not so concerned by their own filthiness of heart as long as no one knows or so they think.

An amazing story that kinda blew my mind, pardon the pun, and I am not judging the man I just find that the choice of priorities is different than what I would have chosen I cannot judge him at all since I haven’t walked in his shoes and haven’t been where he’s been but here it goes.

Richard Farnsworth

According to IMDB

Known for a dislike of four letter words, he was embarrassed by the language the Getaway

Died of self-inflicted gunshot wound. Had been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Ok so I am NOT holding the scale of justice here.

A lot of people seem to be very concerned about the outside so called sins the one people see and hear. When you become a born again Christian thou shalt not smoke, thou shalt not drink, thou shalt not swear... yes you can kill a few people but only if your countries consider them present and clear enemies, the triangle of what THEY call Evil.

No one is so concerned about the inner dirtiness of the heart. Like Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggart it is not thou shalt not fornicate it is thou shalt not be caught fornicating now anyway I digress, one of my specialty.

So here we go in the balance of life we have a lifetime a whole fucking 80 years of no swearing and torturing our own soul when anyone did around ME. And then what is considered the ultimate sin according to Dostoievsky and many more almost in all religion your own taking of your sacrosanct LIFE which was given to you by the Lord Thy God and is to be taken away by Him alone apparently.

We have movies like What Dreams may Come (or as Robin Williams called it Wet Dreams may Cum ) and Wristcutters a Love Story to illustrate this international fable that suicide is velly velly bad ‘cept in Japan maybe.

So when I cross that river I’d like to know does one ounce of bad outdo tons of good?

As I said I haven’t been there and when and if ever I do get there (God Forbid) I will have to cross that bridge then and decide for myself a bit like another movie again Barbarian Invasions.

I have the same standing on Abortion. i.e. none of my fucking business. Who is to decide what is sin in such a corrupted world? What everyone one wants to do is cut the fucking dandelion outta sight without ever taking care of the root. Our fucking garden’s gotta look GREEN to our neighbours, our grass HAS to be greener than theirs so we can feel good about ourselves. What sickness of heart and soul is that I’ll never know.

You cannot apply the law to people without the law that is just how it is. Don’t don’t don’t...who the hell do YOU think you are? Oh you can read? So glad for you so can I. But you can interpret too? Great here we go again back to that movie there is no business like SHOW business. Anything you can do I can do too, I can do anything better than you can’t yes I CAN.

Anyhow I could go on forever but it tires me, drains me, is exhausting me to think of all the self righteousness in the world as a matter of fact I tend to think that self righteousness IS the ONLY SIN.

Forget Homosexuals, Smokers and Drinkers and Partiers and Publicans and Prostitutes and all just watch out for those self righteous hypocrites. Jesus had drinkers and prostitutes as friends and never berated them hell he joined ‘em and partied with them wasn’t his first miracle to turn water into wine? But the one he really berated and could NOT stand were them holier than thou hypocrites of Pharisees the so called pillars of society of the time who decided what was wrong and right without ever practicing it themselves.


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Short one

more bubbling from my sick mind... wrote something on Facebook the other night in a drunken stupor again that could have made me 2.3 billions enemies all at once but basically it said something more like really 6.6 billion enemies basically I am a misanthrope. I am NOT a Racist I Hate Everyone equally. I love Humanity, it's people I can't stand.
Well a very few of yous are normal and nice and understanding and you know who you are but Christ Almighty this world is going to Hell in a hand basket fast!

Another of my famous scatological revelation too I just realized that our assholes is where only half of our shit comes out of ; the other half usually comes out of our mouths or our keyboards for some. :) And in the end the shit you take is equal to the shit you made Ahaaaaaaaa!

What happened? And how is it gonna end?

Where did it all go wrong? I mean it’s been wrong for thousands of years but now it seems to be refinery wrong, purified wrong if I can used such an oxymoron.

On so many fronts too, like in WW1 and WW2 we seemed to have a good purpose to go to war even though technically there is no such thing again another oxymoron; probably because that IS what we are: oxy MORONS. This one here is an oxymoron in need of oxycodone to kill all the pain and stupidity he sees all around him.

But since then hell broke loose even further. Don’t know if I should go forward or backward from the fifties but let’s see.

Let’s start with a good one for fun 911. For all I know it seems like a diabolical crime to excuse every other crime committed after it. OK “They” killed 3000 of “US” now that we probably have killed 10 times more should we be satisfied with blood or there is much too much money to be made with other people’s blood to stop now.

And that is only the tip of the iceberg.

You see poor people starving with no food and no money to eat walking around brandishing fucking Kalashnikovs. Who pays for these fucking Kalashnikovs? Who makes profit of people’s ignorance and natural taste for blood? And why doesn’t anyone stop to think that the next blood could be your son or wife or loved one and that we all brothers and sisters and that we ALL lose in that battle, nobody wins except the Kalashnikovs manufacturers of course! Silly me! J

Greed is a mighty powerful evil and we have all been numbed and blinded to it. We even lie to ourselves and call it fight for freedom: the only freedom many get is death and the end of their troubles in this world and I don’t know about the other world so I can’t tell you what happens to them.

And not only greed in blood now which is bad enough, greed everywhere, literal prostitution for a fight on reality shows. Oprah and Dr. Phil making millions, billions out of people misery without really giving them any real help that cost THEM something it’s all supplied by other greedy suppliers who want to profit from it too.

And now the ultimate greed, the one that has really changed this society into a whole bunch of cowards and fools: fear to be sued for just about any stupidity on earth by any idiot. I would like to know who I have to thank for this one but that is a powerful one it has changed the heart of a whole generation and turned every backbone into a banana. The Good Samaritan has now become an old fable never to be reproduced at least in the western world.

It has affected all areas of our lives everywhere from McDonald's coffee to the doctor's office like the bumper sticker says Support a Lawyer, become a Doctor.

In America you wouldn’t have such stories with your worship of guns and the sacrosanctity of your property, your castle. But here in Australia, you even have to be worried about the greed of the bum who intrudes your house with a cricket bat and a machete, if you harm him more than he can harm you, he can sue you too, ultimate fucking irony. Is that an old fashioned mind of convicts protecting convicts I don’t know but I sure know for one thing that it is unfair but who expects convicts to play fair and be righteous anyway? If I break into your house I take my life in my own hands and I am responsible for whatever happens to me: my point of view. Not sure if it is God’s or Australia’s though but I would bet on God if I had to choose.

This is an old joke about man being interviewed for a job application

Interviewer: Name?

Applicant: blablabla

Interviewer: DOB?

Applicant: blablabla

Interviewer: Education?

Applicant: I have a Bachelor’s degree in Political Science

Interviewer: Should I take that as a “No”?

Like Orwell said all animals are created equal but SOME animals are more equal than others.

So there is no solution.

Capitalism and Greed have their hands (what am I saying their whole bodies and minds) covered in blood but every time one tries to create equality someone takes over and corrupts it as well and there we go again more blood. And even worse now someone trying to create equality will be stamped as a terrorist and renditioned and locked up in an American Gulag somewhere in the world. They really have stamped out any revolution now in preparation for a greater surprise and a greater loss of what they falsely call freedom, liberty.

A bit like John the Baptist, he wouldn't kill a fly, OK maybe a few grasshoppers but a man's gotta eat but his voice was so loud in the desert that he had his head chopped off like a vulgar criminal just for telling the truth.

As once again I said previously we ARE FUCKED.

Even countries that stood their ground and resisted this new wave have fallen in and joined in now; i.e. Canada and France among others next thing we’ll know Switzerland and Sweden are gonna follow in.

Where are this world and this entire greed going?

Like Tom Waits says what everyone wants to know is how is it gonna end?

Monday, April 5, 2010

Decisions! Decisions! that what one calls mixed feelings now?

I must apologize for my rude remarks and my pestering and my frenzy, which is all part of my condition Bipolar with strong despair at times and Huge Compulsions and Obsessions at others.

It is just unfair though as life often is that my condition and my addiction and my need starts at the moment where your superiors have started to squeeze your balls in a vise, pardon my French.

Not sure which came first the chicken or the egg but I made this discovery on my very first oxycodone that was given me at the hospital and that has always been prescribed, that was back in March 2009 after over a year of treatment on loads of antidepressants that just don’t work.

This Discovery was reinforced on Australia Day 2010 where I was taking up to 100 mg a day of it 20 mgs at the time for more than 9 days and still a considerate amount after discharge and during the 40 days this hole in my hand took to fill out and even though I was in dire physical pain at time there was no depression and I was feeling positive and normal. The good it does to my mental pain is priceless and I can't explain it I just know it works and now you all say you can't have it anymore because I won't lie like a junkie or talk to you about my other daily chronic pains of course those would be relieved by painkillers but my mind is the one that needs the attention first. Not so much concerned about all my body parts slowly giving out on me these days as long as I can keep my head-space in the clear.

To me it’s a game of Russian roulette with 3 bullets in the gun, or a question of life or death on a toss of a coin really, head you win, tail you lose partner. If I have the shit I might get addicted some more and even die actually and I don’t have the shit I might just off myself to get my head out of the terrible hell it sunk into, sitting here at times bawling my eyes out praying to die and yet not wanting to die. All I really want to get my headspace out of the hellhole vortex it sunk into where there is no willpower or counselling beyond words that will get me out of the absolute horror that I live.

Who has created this hellhole now I am not sure like I said the chicken or the egg? Personally I think that my mental situation has been critical for quite some time and somehow has been catalysed by some unknown recent event (I suspect my 2005 CABG to be one of the powerful trigger of an existentialist crisis) Or I could be just deluding myself and have created my anxiety crises by me taking so much oxycodone for so many days and expecting them now to keep my mental pain away like they have been so faithful at it recently.

Anyway if we don’t find a solution soon I might just have to walk myself into a psychiatric ward as my situation is worsening fast and getting critical and dangerous. My rate and speed of drinking is reaching life threatening levels and as I said I don’t want to die I just want to stop the anguish and the pain. Fuck I am sure I am not alone in this and someone must understand. Do you all need to watch apocalypse now to understand pain horror and anguish?

I am not a 20 year old junkie I am a 54 year old bipolar going the same way as many have before me. Jack Kerouac could not stand it and he drank himself to death. Andre Dédé Fortin could not stand it and he committed hara kiri at 37. Call it an Icarus syndrome or a Sisyphus Syndrome but it is flying to close to the sun , see too much light and then realise the futility of it all. Sitting here in the morning your head in other darkness bawling your eyes out for you don’t know what really, being locked in that state for hours, besides also being very recluse and making the life of my only loved one so miserable because I am so goddamn helpless? What the fuck do you need to hear? Every time there is a suicide people say oh yeah we should be more careful about that and then they turn around and go about their life as usual, like watching a commercial on tv, seeing thousands of children dying of all sort of horrors and then turn the telly off and what do you want for dinner kids?

Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme figures for oxycodone, which is sold as OxyContin, OxyNorm and Endone, reveal there were 148,833 scripts dispensed in WA last year, up from 114,181 in 2007.

WA is on track for another increase this year, with 31,709 scripts already dispensed in January and February.

So now I AM PAYING for all those other 148,833. I am just a number and my pain is irrelevant we’ve got to please the authorities, cover our asses in good English and lower the number and let’s start with Joe.

You are like pushers first you start giving me the thing for free and let me know how good it feels and then you withdraw it and jack up the price by forcing me to go on the black market just so your nice and comfy derrieres are well protected.

Be offended if you want nothing seems to work anyway in this numb generation of scared sheep. Vinegar or Honey it’s all fucking useless. But at least I got it off my chest and if ever I did the unthinkable I hope all these cries for help go viral and burn as many asses as you are trying to cover now.

Interesting how this letter started nice and I got angry again at all the nonchalance and carelessness and rude arrogance of the office as hamlet says. He too was tired of life and numbskulls deaf to any pleas.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,

Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely

The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,

The insolence of office, and the spurns

That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,

When he himself might his quietus make

With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,

To grunt and sweat under a weary life,

But that the dread of something after death,

The undiscovered country, from whose bourn

No traveller returns, puzzles the will,

And makes us rather bear those ills we have

Than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,

Decisions! Decisions! Tsstt, tsstt,tsstt.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

What do you do with a suicidal bipolar on Easter Sunday?

Here is what I think I NEED TO SURVIVE, I call it my happy pack

The recipe is very close to

Oxycodone 20 mg (That alone in fact might do it)

Add a bit of codeine 40-80 mg

And some valium for a different kick 5-10 mg.

And I am not imagining this and I am not even sure I am addicted to Oxycodone even though I was given up to 100 mg a day at the hospital for nine days and prescribed more at my discharge.

I just discovered months ago in March 2009 even before any usage that oxycodone did to my head what tons of Prozac and Edronax and everything else they tried could not do for years.

But here we have rules now, big rules, and big books on, not how to treat a patient and relieve his unbearable pain, but on how to cover your own ass and protect yourself first. We are very far from the days of Hippocrates we have moved on to the days of Hypocrites.

I need this to survive please help me doctor it’s a matter of life or death I swear to you and suddenly the doctor turns into a scared shitless Pontius Pilates afraid of the political repercussions and washes his hand and say I am innocent of this man’s blood. In other words:

Crucify the MotherFucker! What do I care?

It has been done in the states with success but every country has its own rules and some are more cowards than others The first thing you hear and see is fear in their eyes and an absolute freak out about their own situation, no care whatsoever for yours. If I was do so something stupid and hold a gun to my head in the doctor’s office and tell him it’s oxycodone or death don’t you understand they would say go ahead pull the trigger. Headspace is a very abstract and ethereal thing but nobody really scares all I know is I am in hell and I can’t help it and it is going to last what will seem like an eternity but does anyone care? Nope!

Unfortunately because of my major disability and I tell you it IS a major disability if you study it for a few minutes, Jack Kerouac, Andre “Dede” Fortin and hundreds or thousands more I cannot afford to go on the black market to get what I definitely NEED to survive this strange unexplainable bipolar wave, I just find myself sick of life with no will to live, afraid to die and hurt the one I LOVE even if I am unbearable these days so there is no actual light at the end of my tunnel. Maybe starting to drink earlier in a strange and paradoxical way will save my life. Chablis might be my temporary saviour since I lost sight of Jesus quite a few years ago.

I have this theory that us mutants/bipolars often lean on drugs or alcohol because the manic moments have given us too much light and information on the real horrors of this world all the blood and the lies and the bullshit and so much more that we can’t bear the sight of it a bit like God said to Moses no one can see my face and live so we have flown too high like Icarus and our wings are burning and we are crashing in the Aegean Sea.

So even though we live alone and die alone yes this is a cry for help but no supposed to be decent citizen will touch me with a ten foot pole.

Madness has its good moments but to translate the words of another bipolar who once met a wise homeless Life is short but once in a while it has long moments, very long. Joy goes fast and pain last forever and mental anguish is hell on earth.

Thursday, April 1, 2010


Is all we need right now. STOP! STOP! THINK FOR YOURSELF FOR CHRIST”S SAKE. I have been thinking of two of my favourite songs lately that never had enough impact but are so TRUE: School from Supertramp and a Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd.

We are bricks in the wall, innocent sheep led to the Slaughterhouse, Elois fed to the Morlocks and we all walk in with joy and enthusiasm how sick and sad is that?

This system is killing us by the thousands and all we find to say is Thank you. Sick and poor brainwashed people we are. I say question EVERYTHING and stand firm for your belief. FUCK them old bullies and dictators who are used to intimidation and having their own ways. What is right is right and that is the end of it, whatever your system has thought you by removing your guts, your brains, your balls, and your backbone. What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong no matter who does it: Americans, Russians, Chinese, Koreans, French, English, Christians, Muslims, and Buddhists it doesn’t matter at all. If a gulag or a concentration camp is wrong THEREFORE Guantanamo Bay is wrong too or that other camp in Iraq where an uneducated woman took all the blame for orders that were coming from above. The US hands are all covered with blood just the same.

This blood is thicker than water story is nothing but absolute pride and sin. If my own son is guilty of sin and pride and crime he is guilty of sin and pride and crime. Sin is sin and crime is crime, no matter who commits it.

So yes question everything, demand explications and answers and don’t submit to what you don’t think is right and we may have a new beginning of a new generation even though I am afraid we’re too late and all people questioning the so called righteousness of their governments now are going to join a long list of martyrs under the created persona of Osama Ben Ladin or as Orwell would call him Goldstein. It is easy to eliminate the truth now by associating it with a created evil.

Like someone said already it is irrelevant whether Osama is captured or not as long as we keep his image alive. Nothing new under the sun and some things ever change.

P.S. If Osama is the culprit and most 9/11 culprits were from Saudi Arabia what the hell are we doing in Iraq and Afghan spending billions of dollars and wasting countless lives of usually poor people and family people?

And if so called freedom is so important why are we not in Rwanda, Zimbabwe or Sudan or just simply helping in New Orleans?

One and one answer only: American Intere$t meaning Money talks and bullshit walks baby.