Sunday, June 18, 2017
Continuing my Science of Stupid blog, 18 days of pain so far, I decided to try quitting all painkillers 2 days ago for reasons...
I had some bad stories with oxycodone
and my love/hate relationship with it some years ago,
2010 to be more accurate and
do not want a repeat of it at this stage.
This morning after 2 days of abstinence and an awful lot of pain,
as in writhing and crying pain,
I was very much tempted to give in "just for this time" hahaha
My moderate dose would have been something like:
2 panadeine forte
(500 mg paracetamol and 30 mg codeine each)
2 extra 30 mg codeine for extra punch
and 2 x 5 mg oxycodone which to me is a baby's dose for a 200 pounder.
I often say the only reason I am not dead so far is BECAUSE I am a 200 pounder and have been since I was 14,
The shit I have taken in my life would have killed many skinny punks.
My argument at the hospital was
(where they give me one an hour while I was there)
that if you give a 5 mg to a 90 pounds wet old lady
NATURALLY the ABSOLUTE LAWS of CHEMISTRY
say that I should get at least 10 mg considering
there was a time I was taking 20.
But the laws of Chemistry in a hospital are trumped by the laws of Politics
and as a Belgian nurse once told me in 2005,
while I was in for heart surgery,
the no 1 priority of the staff is not the welfare of the patient, the number 1 priority of the staff is not to think
but to cover their own asses.
And with all the stupid suing going on
hurting us all it is understandable.
Now I hear some people say why not go in the middle and take 2 PANADOL instead?
Well hahaha o ye of little knowledge.. it is nearly impossible I would say inconceivable for me to think this way.
You see us, mental people, suffer usually from more than one thing and everything is intermingled when you got depression / bipolar / borderline / anxiety and/or PTSD disorder and you rarely have one thing alone.
One thing we do have or share though is Denial, Projection and a good dose of SPLITTING.
also called black-and-white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking)
About people and about things.
Anyway to make a a long story short, and as always too late for that, today was a good day.
Sue convinced me in a moment of weakness lol to get out of the house.
One of my other thing is also what I like to call agoraphobia which is not as much a fear of open spaces as a fear of new uncontrollable environment and it takes a crane to get my fat ass off this chair usually, that or a doctor's appointment which I have plenty.
So after an hour on walking on the beach I feel a little better and my arm to thank me got all itchy as if it needed the circulation to heal.
Not sure exactly where this abstinence will lead but I will take it one day (one hour, one minute) at a time for now.
Last thing I need is another addiction and that at 14,000 kms from home (8700 miles)
Pain is relative and no one can feel another's physical pain and the pains of the past are nothing compared to the pain of the present. What really takes its toll though is the chronic aspect of it and the duration in days.
I often compare it to the good old "Chinese" Torture so-called torture of one drop of water on your forehead with no escape in site.
I mean I have had pains of all sort:
heart surgery, gall bladder attack and removal, countless surgeries, hernia, lapband, multiple jaw cysts, not forgetting the numerous bcc extractions.
- still hurting from the last one
but it just takes its toll on a long run
I wish I was in hospital on a drip at times but then again hospital time with or without drip is no fun time and far from home.
It should be over soon and I should be all good and ready to be the porter in August. I need my 2 arms for that and good legs too. :P
In the meanwhile I can try to escape in sleep once in a while when the pain lets me,
That's it for now for an ad-lib rambling
Ciao for now folks
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
or reading Shakespeare and Dickens and Balzac and Zola
and all the old Greek and Latin masters.
(the er is just there to make you forget that you are a TWIT),
the utter shallowness of it all,
- (the racism and feminism and political and religious wars and all those senseless tumbler/reddit SJWs,)
- Words and words and words and war on words
Oh Quelle Surprise.
The bores in questions are everywhere and from every sex but it made for a nice article which after all is what one has to sell when one lives off writing. In L.A. Times too another
Quelle Surprise.L.A. Times BTW by nature has to be the shallowest paper on the planet.
to be one of the worst idea of history
and will become what
That episode was excruciating to watch BTW.
It is already like this in our choice of an app or a vacation place based on reviews,
reviews often bought and corrupted BTW
a bit like IMDB and our political system.
L.A. is pretty well already a nosedive town if you don’t belong in their selective club of beautiful young rich vegan yoga practicing PETA member fence walkers
Oops let us remember so and so that we hadn’t mentioned in 20 years and laughed at for being such a has-been.
I was born a white male in a Medicare Western World. (Canada, Australia etc) as opposed to a May Fly let's say.
I am also happy that my mother tongue was French since it allows me to read wonderful works in their original tongue.
Everyone knows how much is lost in translation.
One thing I will tell you is I am also happy I wasn’t born an American and haven’t become one, even though there was one or two occasions I might have. I would be long dead to begin with and not here to tell you this story.
Monday, June 12, 2017
Now it seems every time a friend comments on something I am made aware of another abomination in a chain reaction from hell.
they are everywhere and
America itself is utterly filled with creeps and weirdos
but they don’t need a voice or a bait click or my attention or knowledge whatsoever,
they don’t have room in my consciousness,
I don’t want them,
i don’t need ‘em;
life is way too fucking short to fret at freaks.
as if this was a profession, a talent, a qualification.
and one thing only:
You fucked or have been fucked.
(not even required in fact in some cases)
Period end of the story.
Any animal can do it no talent required.
The title alone certainly does not mean
that you are any good at it.
Fucking or "mommying" that is.
I mean this is how P.T. Barnum made a living no?
Sunday, June 11, 2017
Back in the good old days when town had gates and elders received strangers
The visitor said,
“I am deciding whether I should move here or not.
I’m wondering what kind of neighbourhood this is.
Can you tell me about the people here?”
“Tell me what kind of people lived where you came from.”
The visitor said,
The wise man said,
“You know, those are exactly the same kinds of people who live here.” The visitor left the village and never came back.
He sought out the wise old man and said,
“I’m thinking of moving here.
Can you tell me what kind of people live here?”
Again the old man said, “
Tell me what kind of people lived where you came from.”
The visitor said,
“Oh, they were the kindest, gentlest, most compassionate, most loving people. I shall miss them terribly.
The old man answered, “
Those are exactly the kinds of people who live here, too.”
and the only reason I don't see that
is the same reason millions of other
Saturday, June 10, 2017
The thing is, as I know myself, if I wait too long and think and edit too much this will never see "the AIR" so here it goes as Vonnegut says it's now or never
One thing the internet/social media is very good at is certainly to
REPREHENSE! Go Ahead World “Reprehense” Away!
Our computer desk chair has now become a THRONE!
We are by nature apes with a Dunbar number of 150.
So when we are exposed to 1000 social media friends plus billions of facts and people we would have no clue of a couple of centuries ago well we create celebrity magazines instead of mythological gods and their tall stories.
(Happy people have no history)
I myself get more depressed by the utter amount of total stupidity out there.
Well at 61, I can only rejoice that my wish will be granted faster than for younger others.
how does one live his dash nowadays?
How does one remain calm and normal in a fear instilling greedy and ignorant world?
Alethia meaning without concealment or truth to some.
There are bound to.
You need some truth to sell a lie.
but most of the problem is that those who sell you this idea just want to replace the poisons by their own poisons.
So maybe one day it will be edited in a more coherent jam
but not today
what do we say to death?
Thursday, June 8, 2017
From a young age and more and more as I grow older and become a bigger curmudgeon minute by minute.
The best possible world is a fucking lousy possible world
when one stops to think about it for a moment.
What I do hope though to come out of this one day before I kick the bucket is to come up with
My ultimate soliloquy
my kenophonia that won’t be empty this time
What the fuck NOT to do with it.
but for fuck sake wouldn’t it be nice to at least know what it would look and be like?
Trying not to ruin this blog and to keep it a coherent narrative (not one of my strong point)
EAT and DRINK and be MERRY