Wednesday, November 30, 2016


I can't keep track of each fallen robin
~ Leonard Cohen

89,845 deaths today ALONE at the beginning of this article 1308 hours 30/11/2016
Nearly 55 million this year 54,936.8K

Who are we to classify them now? They are all someone’s relative.  Can we suffer for all of them equally or some of them are not “worth” our suffering?: We’re not even talking about the sick and the suffering now or fuck forbid beloved pets.

Of course a close one should make us suffer but with the extension of social media it seems to be a very fertile ground for a woman’s mothering heart.  Maybe it’s because I am JUST a man and a peculiar one at that. 

I found out years ago on chat sites and social media that I could not afford to have a Christ complex and to try to save the whole fucking world.  Not only is it too exhausting it is also too Sisyphean and at times totally useless moot and pointless.

This suicidal “friend” you “saved” yesterday will repeat the same song and dance tomorrow with another ‘friend” and waste his time too.  Some people just love being the victim like I have seen some kids run after the bullies craving to get beaten up as if it was a form of pleasure to them.
I must have carried this “detachment” a little too far after all psychos too are very detached. Yet the most horrible death of 2016 for me was Twitch, getting tight throat and teary eyed just thinking about him now.  In my cold hearted mind anyone above 70 is fair game for the Grim Reaper and the rest well accidents happen like Leonard Cohen said I can’t keep track of each fallen robin.

91575 is the count now 1323h. Nearly 2000 in 15 mins only.

We will hit the 55 million mark by the time I am finished.

So what am I trying to say, to understand?

We all go eventually and when I am gone well none of this will matter now will it? So am I trying to be dead inside before I get to be dead outside too?

We’re all here for a short time and a lot of religious leaders have banked on suffering as inevitable, inexorable blah blah blah and tried to find a way out, a panacea or a cashing cow for most.
It would seem according to some that suffering is in the mind (well it IS in the brain anyway) and that if you don’t mind it doesn’t hurt, mind over matter and what not and the only way to be placid is to be either catatonic, dead, or in a coma.

So which fallen robin should upset my heart now? Well there aren’t too many but the ones that do and will …well just shatter me to pieces.

I can only think of one person right now that will destroy me when she goes,

The rest of them well mostly they can come and go. Of course I will be somewhat sad at certain... thinking of it now no one I haven’t met at least once.  I might feel something for an artist loss but very few the only one coming to mind now is Tom Waits. 

2016 despite the media rehashing wasn’t probably much worse than the rest of them.

Life is like a good bowel movement or like the cop said in godfather:

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Sometimes I wish those will be my famous last words.

When you gotta go, you gotta go.”

Nothing like good scatological humour before your last eschatological breath.

Mozart would have approved.

Better than my other favourite line:

His famous last words: “Trust me I know what I am doing”

So for the rest of youse I could sing along with KC and the sunshine band,
“Please Don’t Go” until I am blue in the face like the Widowmaker lol
(A new Overwatch reference my possible next addiction)
But that won’t help any we all have to face the Great Equaliser one day.

Just like Leonard Cohen too I only wish their “preliminaries” won’t be too long and horrendous. He certainly got his wish dying the millionaire’s death in his sleep.

In the meanwhile I might try to find a balance between numbness and awareness.

Ciao for now. Live Long and Prosper.

P.S.  54,941,150Deaths this year
94,395Deaths today
 1348 hours
I am not waiting around for round numbers.