Tuesday, January 23, 2018

My story again or part of it anyway

I am 62 years old. I have been Catholic, Protestant, Evangelical and what not. I served mass as a choir boy


Used to get up at 4 am to serve the 6am mass to give me time to tie the hundred buttons on that damn robe. 

The whole province had what they called a quiet revolution in the sixties and the Catholic Church lost a lot of power. 

I strayed away like most nearly killed myself with drugs many a times betweeen 16 and 20

went to a detox centre and shortly after in 1976 I had an 'unfortunate' encounter with a young man that was followed quickly by a "conversion" went to a baptist church and of course a great fall 1 month later .

Another  month gone  and one homeless night in a highly anxious and homeless situation I ended up in a cult for way too many years. 

Well to be exact the 'conversion' was August 12, 1976 and my first entrance in the cult was October 12th. 1976

I got married on June 10th 1978 and left the cult for the first time on June 10th, 1988 disillusioned at the thought of losing my children to other cult's members as I had no choice or no power in the situation.

Needless to say i did not adapt well to the "outside world" and I went back willingly in the cult in June 1990.  I keep a few dates in a document due to my failing memory.

March 1989 33 First time to see the kids in 9 months (9, 7, 5)
24-08-89 33 Dad passed away
June 1990 34 Second Entry
June 1991 35 End of one year “probation”

I was put in "probation" for a whole year and was allowed back with my wife for a whole 9 months and my history with the cult finally ended on March 14th 1992.

I have to confess it took me another zillion years to finally get deprogrammed.

14-03-1992 36 Second Departure from the cult (Kids 12, 10, 8)
      07-1993 37 Serge St Jude
25-12-1993 37 First time to see the kids in One Year and 9 Months (14, 11, 10)
Jan to June 1994 6 months of silence treatment ( 15,12,10)

I lived at my brother for 6 months got kicked out of there and it took me 1 year and nine months to see my kids again after a lengthy battle with depression and the family court laws and dirty low blows false accusations from the cult  where I gained supervised visits (supervised by the cult) where the silence treatment was sometimes suspended to insult me, call me names, deny me, and even spit on me.

(and one wonders why I am not more fucked up than I am, people were questioning my sanity way back then to keep going to this treatment weekly with no money and no cars depending on friends to drive me for an hour (in winter storms sometimes) wait for 3 hours and drive me back home completely shattered.

And I am not even mentioning the insanity going up in my own home as a child which is prolly another reason for early BPD , and ending up in a cult for so long) 

by friends I mean people from a Baptist Church I was attending at the time.)


Once as a baby, once in the cult and ANOTHER time in the cult because obviously I wasn't good enough and I needed more cleansing and even once here AGAIN in Australia at the Church of Christ (along with Sue even).

When did I become a full atheist then? I am not quite sure it happened progressively but is has been many years now and I doubt very much I will revert now to anything else but rational secularism. 

there would be a lot more to say 62 years is a fucking long long time but I have to keep some for the next episodes I suppose! :P 

P.S. I was diagnosed as bipolar a few years ago 2009  but in hindsight it has "always" been there or for a long long time anyway I can assure you that on the night of October 12th, 1976 I was highly manic, hindsight is 20/20.

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