Thursday, January 11, 2018



I always feel I make myself a little vulnerable when I do this shit but here it goes anyway.
Christmas? OK, New Year's? Boff, I slept though the 'dropping of the ball" Had a grandad nap from about 10PM to 1.

Now to the main dish.

On my birthday Dec 29th I noticed my PATCH was 3 days late.

For those who don't know and I might never have mentioned it I have been on Norspan 20 (Buprenorphine) patches for many years,

I don't remember when exactly and I intend to find out soon but I have old documents of medication list dated 2014 and 2015 and it could be even before that.  Way back then I had a back arm pain that kept me awake at night to run for painkillers every 4 hours. I was diagnosed with spondylitys and put on Norspan by Gino and Brad. ( I always call my doctors by their first names lol)

A few times over the years me being the space cadet that I am I forgot to change my patch for a day or two and I was painfully reminded by insomnia, stomach pains, high anxiety and arm pain as well: regular symptom of withdrawals I assume. (now I write the date on the patch the day I put it on with a Sharpie)

Now on my birthday (after being in pain for many days, just another boring story but for many years now again I get a major infection in my face due I presumed to a fucked up surgery way back then in Fremantle where someone went shit crazy with the carbolic acid after a cyst removal that had to be done twice)

All of this is related to my infamous Gorlin Syndrome which we will talk about again a little further down.) I sure hope I make some fucking sense cuz I have a hard time to follow my fucking story myself.

So where was I? O yeah December 29th 3 days late and no symptoms of witdrawals or extra pain (beside the one in my face) so I said to myself (wisely or not time will tell) so I said to myself Hey one drug less in your system wouldn't hurt you know.

Well well well there has been good days and bad days and hellish days,  Slept 16 hours or couldn't sleep at all, tossing around for hours in pain and insomnia, switching from bed to settee not to wake Sue up with my restlesness and one of the worst part almost a back breaking giving up experience is when I slept from 8am to 7 pm and hardly saw Sue at all.

 I feel better now well a little, still have probs with insomnia and stomach problems too.  I have had days where I didn't need any meds at all ( except form daily shit I take since heart surgery in 2005) and at other times well I need a moderate amount of Panadeine Forte and/or extra codeine and or Valium and even oxycodone sometimes and also Imodium.  I try very hard to be very reasonable with all those I am totally aware that an addiction to codeine that last only 4 hours would be far worse than my addiction to my  weekly patch,

So I hope all of this makes a little sense and explains where my head and body have been through for the past fortnight.

I also get extremely emotional and downright depressed ( I hardly touch my games anymore) and I wasn't feeling too well either on Monday when I went to Fiona Stanley for an exam for my next surgeries for my reoccurring BCC's.  I almost came out in tears and quite deflated because they mentioned the 2 DREADED WORDS AGAIN:  SKIN GRAFT.

I just finished suffering a month of hellish, burning pain and lack of sleep because of the last one and now they wanna do ANOTHER already.  Something big behind my other ear apparently. Seeing my dejection they said they were gonna do their best to avoid it but it might not be possible. I asked em to pick a donor side where I could sleep somehow but it is all complicated after all they don't want hair growing from the back of my year apparently LOL

So this is where I am at.  I am seeing my GP on the 18th and my 'shrink' on the 30th.  I intend to ask him for the 10 and 5 patches just in case it gets too much at least it would feel like half a victory if I can cut in half and not 2 weeks of utter pain and failure.

FSH (Fiona Stanley Hospital) will send me the usual letters for my next appointment Within a month they say.

P.S. In my self-diagnosis ( I often try to analyse biological factors) I was a bit surprised that my spondylitis seems to have gone and that triceps horrible pain does not seem to be a problem anymore.  No one will even know why I suppose but a lot of my health and body troubles seem to be related to that magic 100 kgs, And since I broke under the hunnerd again in my past trip to France well maybe the nerves have readjusted to less weight pressure who the fuck knows?

In the famous words of Dr Claire Lewicki / Nicole Kidman again
One of my top five quotations ever

Dr. Claire Lewicki: Control is an illusion, you infantile egomaniac. Nobody knows what's gonna happen next: not on a freeway, not in an airplane, not inside our own bodies and certainly not on a racetrack with 40 other infantile egomaniacs.

Sometimes I don't even know why I write all that since hardly anyone reads my blogs but it gives me a hard record anyway of facts and dates

P.P.S. I just checked with my pharmacist who would have better records than my doctor since my doctor archived all records when they moved to Safety Bay
Anyway First Norspan script ever was

December 6th, 2011

So 6 full years on that shit.


  1. yes it is a record for yourself; you are doing so well and apart from writing here you never are very strong and a true stoic
    big love and hang in there xxx

    1. are you trying to make me cry? :P I said I was emotional

    2. Not sure why my previous post didn’t post but here it is again: yup, he’s a keeper eh Sue? Regardless whatever you have to do to stay sane, I wish you and Sue all the best in the New Year! I think about you often Joe and I appreciate the fact that our reunion several years ago was actually quite life changing for me, and led to the next logical step in my life. It is good to have that support, especially since few others in my life have any idea what I have gone through, am going through, and you half way around the world...even though you don’t really know you’re doing anything. 😀