Monday, November 20, 2017

write write write right right

I hope Rachel is not related to Cherie now.
“If you write what you yourself sincerely think and feel and are interested in… you will interest other people.”  
~ Rachel Carter

Well what I know what I have known...

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee unforgiven

Side tracked again Anyway 

here is a short condensation of my past week or so.
With surgeries piling on one after another it is beginning to take its toll I guess. I just have had what could be considered the worst week of 2017 maybe? 

Always something new and always a first even at 61 almost 62 but I could have done easily without this double skin graft on my head recently.  

Bad enough I was still suffering and still healing from a huge cut on my forehead just a couple of weeks ago ( I might check the dates later) Hell my elbow still hurts like hell at times from my old double somersault back in June.

Anyway just to say that I was reminded of Ani DiFranco's lyrics:

It's the little things that kill.

or her exact words: this little war is what kills us

The old story I heard somewhere of the Chinese Torture 
(tried on MythsBusters IIRC , Kari Byron was not a happy camper) 
a single drop of water dropping on your forehead 


This little pain here, this little pain there, this constant reminder, the lack of sleep caused by it and add enough of it and it's enough to have enough at one point.

I seem more concerned now about escaping reality than occupying my remaining time.

Anyway stiched dressings is my idea of hell and/or Chinese torture at 2 places also to make sure there was not a single comfortable position to sleep.

O well I survived I guess and the much anticipated day has arrived and AT LAST the dreaded stitched dressings are gone.  But what a long week it was though.

I realise of course many people all over the world are into so much more misery but somehow it doesn't help my misery at all even after watching the Queen of Katwe and see how miserable life was in the slums of Uganda bad I did not even mind this poor soul peddling his delusions really ... his Christianity at least was real and certainly not the American ugly style.  

I had had this/his opportunity in the past but now I seem to have lost it and don't have the stamina to chase it again: those chess sets at Safety Bay Primary might just have to rot without me. 

 It was hell on wheels of red tape and what not to try to take a few kids to Applecross forget Russia now.

Anyway as a result of a consequence or a normal progression of chronic depression I guess I seem to have lost all interests in my game despite a short return to Diablo recently and a new coming expansion on Path of Exile.

The little things again I find the "death penalties" too disheartening on POE where I can't seem to reach level 90 no matter what.  It certainly IS possible and thousands have done it but as a noob I suck, I play too long, too tired, and get into a couple of stupid deaths that throw me hours back.

Prolly just need a rest til the new expansion comes and then take it one day at a time but as I was telling the admins there it seems to overestimate my rapidly declining Charlie Gordon Intelligence here as the game is getting more and more complex and I can only follow the instructions of a brilliant YOUNG engineer blindly without really understanding what the fuck I am doing and/or why did I die there? 

Any hoot here is my 'letter' to them now

a drop in the ocean
I don't mind my kills being a drop in the ocean 
What I DO mind though
is my ocean being emptied by the fucking bucket load every time I died
Diablo got rid of this clusterfuck YEARS ago 
Why be so far behind in time?
What is next? Losing all your shit and try to get it back naked when you could not survive full armoured? Really?
That is the biggest disheartening fact that might keep me away from POE and move on to GD to see if they got their shit together
After waiting all day for the power to come back here after electrical work being done in the neighbourhood I started at 70% to end up at 53% after a couple of hours and a loss of the will to live  
Back to D3 for a while where a death only costs me a few coins ... Fuck I d rather lose a Chaos Orb rather than exp
ALSO while I am here I feel GGG is overestimating the IQ of the general audience.
The game is already quite complicated and is getting more and more complex where the average Joe will just have to blindly follow the kind advice of a brilliant engineer instead of making any sense of it.
I used to be intelligent like Charlie Gordon in Flowers for Algernon but I have no idea how a mind can follow the HUGE information overload: 10 to 15 unknown squares at the top of the screen some of them being there for a couple of seconds only plus reading all the monsters abilities while trying to survive too seems a bit much for me.
O well my opinion too is just that A DROP IN THE OCEAN so here it goes

and their kind answer

Hey there,
Thank you for contacting support.
I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way. I will be sure to pass your feedback onto the appropriate team members for consideration.
Please feel free to contact us again if you have any further feedback or suggestions, we really appreciate hearing thoughts from the community.
Kind regards,

I had a few other notes I wanted to mention and again my failing memory is errrr failing me again

One of them was that it would be nice QOL (Quality of Life) to add on again another Diablo copy where you pick one you pick them all.  All this one by one picking is really tedious especially in the BeachHead end map.

Otherwise it is a great game I just wish I would have picked it up 20 years ago when I had some brains left

That is also another part of the little war that kills to see the constant decline of faculties I always empathized much with Charlie Gordon and almost understood him, even if he was a fictional character.  Daniel Keyes ' masterpiece Flowers for Algernon should be a must read for anyone and especially for someone who is working with Alzheimer's and Dementia patients who I guess don't play video games either anymore.

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