And at once I knew I was not magnificent

Here is the word! 

That line of Holocene bugs me.

It reminds me of that K10 question I hate.

About how often did you feel worthless?

I always want to ask: 

Please DEFINE worthless?

DEFINE Worth? 

Define Worthy? 

and while you there 

Define Meaning.

I don't consider my so-called agoraphobia a fear of society,

maybe a fear of an environment out of my control at best.

Mind you these days when for years the word worthless meant nothing to me 

it IS starting to mean something lately, maybe synonymous with meaningless.

Thing is I joked for years that I did not have a superiority complex,

I am DEFINITELY superior.  

One of the obvious reasons I did not have many friends obviously and got myself in a million bullying situations 

as I say myself often once you start calling yourself CHOSEN, or SPECIAL, or BETTER, 

prepare yourself for the heartless scythe of the Tall Poppy Syndrome Reaper.

I like songs like I want to Vanish and shit like that

How can i tell you i'm rarer than mostI'm certain as a lost dogPondering a sign post

Hmmm what other song could I bring into this? 

Can't think of any right now and that also is a part of the problem. 

Finding more and more HOLES in my memory does not make me feel WORTHY at all, quite the contrary.  
They shoot the horses don't they? 

Once I forgot who I am you might as well put me down.

I have felt MAGNIFICENT many a times but maybe it was just a MANIC stage. 

I was MAGNIFICENT in grade 3 and for the rest of my life well ... 

I COULD HAVE BEEN MAGNIFICENT

I could have been a contender

I could have been somebody

A high school principal once told me Look at him so full of talent (intelligence) and yet so lazy

Well I don't know if it was laziness and I don't think so even because in good conditions I was quite energetic well at least intellectually.

Back then no one was talking of mental illness, or EQ or family abuse or what not. So I was just a problem child.  

Such a problem child in fact that the principal of a 32oo Students a year school 
STILL remembered me.

So no, I am not magnificent anymore,

and moreover I will never be again.

So maybe that's why the line annoys me so much

I FUCKING HATE REALITY! 

My magnificent days are long gone and never to be seen again

IF I ever had any other than in my own mind.