Oh to be born in...

such and such time or 
such and such place or
such and such family
or socio-economic environment etc.

I suppose it is nice to dream and extrapolate but...
every time I see on the Internet 

IF you had a million dollars to do such and such and
you can have a million dollars but blah blah blah 
All I can think of is a spoilt bored 12 year old is trying to waste my fucking time.

Same thing with nicknames chosen at random and such and such thing will happen like a puerile horoscope or some voodoo chain letter. GTFO!

I do sometimes joke that I was born too early especially when my wires get all tangled up lol 
or 
when I think a few more years and they could have zapped that Gorlin Syndrome right out of my fucking embryo, 
hell out of my mum's genes altogether 
and my life would have been much easier and with much less pain.

But then again I should be thankful all them surgeries did not have to be done with a bottle of whisky and a stick between my teeth.

Sometimes I think I was born JUST at the RIGHT TIME when I consider the music that came out in my teens.  

I just wish I would have enjoyed it more but I did enjoy it and spent most of my time and resources towards it.

Now Back to the Future.

Sure SOME things will be much better but ALSO SOME things will be much much worse.  

It is already getting to be a dystopian nightmare in China 
and the rest of the world is soon to follow 
I am afraid.

Plus Plus Plus we already lost something precious never to be recovered since 9/11 and the arrival of Facebook and social media.

Couldn't exactly put a name to it but it's like a Syndrome all the symptoms are there we just don't know what it is.

I certainly LOVE the fact that I have now access to a complete jukebox in my pocket and the fact that I can also BLOCK the world with it which maybe one of the symptoms aforementioned.

I love the fact that I have access to a Britannica/Wikipedia World of information without having had to carry tons of heavy books around the world, heavy and expensive and rapidly obsolete.

But on the other hand I also LOVE the fact that

I'M GONNA DIE SOON 😆

and won't be there to see all that.

There was a time when I wanted to live forever and see it all but not anymore. 

I have grown tired of it all,

of all the ignorance not improving at all in thousands of years.

What will a couple of thousand years do more?

Extrapolation IS extrapolation and 

1000 times zero is STILL ZERO.

Anyway Death IS the Great Equaliser.

I saw a tombstone this week (can't remember whose)  1955- 2019 and I said
SHIT that's MY YEAR OF BIRTH now.

But at 63 I say I am fair game for the Grim Reaper.

Hell I have been fair game for the past 63 years but also for the past 15 years mainly.  

Just glad I didn't die on that hill in Quebec City like so many did at about the same age too... 48.

Like my cardiologist said you're one of the lucky one.  One of three people find out they have cardiac problems when they drop dead.

So now all we need is more cowbells.

Over and Out

P.S. Trigger for this blog and all the comments of course

he who controls the present, controls the past.

Sue says I am manic. LOL. 

Cuz I have written 2 blogs this month already now working on 3rd.

Don't even know where I am going with it.

Trigger word: Video Games 
and general America complete madness.

What's his name, Morgan Freeman, said that the best way to get rid of racism is not to mention it not to care about it and pretty well ignore it. 

Do not have a 
Black Lives Matters or a 
White Lives Matters or a
Blue Lives Matters and what not.  

Act everyday as if you were just another normal human being, 
a common earthling.

Would it work with STUPIDITY now?

How about if we were all to 
completely ignore ignorance?

Video Games FFS!

Same with anti vaxx and flat earthers really 

put them all on /ig 

and keep moving nothing to see here. 

No need to spread the disease like a deadly virus and give 'em light or exposure or free publicity and what not.

I see sometimes a very popular YouTuber rebuking a nobody and I ask myself why oh fucking why? That asshole was nobody before you mention his name and now because of your popularity everyone knows his name.

They say that one of the thing that causes these silly local mass murdering is to seek "immortality" and fame in one way.

Well it might be a little Orwellian here but wouldn't the solution be to just NOT do that? 

He who controls the present, controls the past.

It didn't work in the days of Barnum and Bailey and I suppose it wouldn't work now given the propensity for trash TV, Reality shows, and trash journalism sold at every store front row and a gazillion clickbaits.

Speaking of propensity it brings me back to one of my thought lately that our beloved condescending and fictitious Rusty Cohle was not THE ONE who was gonna split the atom either. :P

 "Just observation and deduction. I see a propensity for obesity, poverty, a yen for fairy tales, folks putting what few bucks they do have into little, wicker baskets being passed around. I think it's safe to say that nobody here is gonna be splitting the atom, Marty."

But we sure have a yen for fairy tales for sure 

blaming Video Games????

How can people look up and still trust authority figures really?

Politicians, religious leaders all part of a giant fucking circus.

Idiocracy at its best.

Over and Out Phineas Taylor Barnum.

Time is relative

Maybe it is me but I get really annoyed at how every blogger and 
celebrity and
YouTuber and
Facebooker 
cold-bloodedly USE the current tragedy
to score points. 

It sounds a bit like a psychotic trend to me.

It seems that you must, 
you HAVE TO 
say something very PC about it 

otherwise you are an outcast.  

So many bleed every single penny they can 
from what is but a very very short OCCASION.  

They might be called opportunist
which in my book is not really a good word.

Not only time is relative but also geography it seems.

For one thing I think the USA takes way too much media space.  

Every western country kowtows to anything American as if their culture had fuck all to say about anything and nothing happens where they live.  

Which says to me that it is not a matter of numbers of people, China and India have over 1 billion people each 

but rather a matter of MONEY the big DOLLAR sign $$$ that rules everything and ESPECIALLY the media and the news networks.

One blogger will go on and say don't watch the news and then the next 10 posts will be ABOUT the fucking news and moreover about THAT fucking news. 
I would stop watching the fucking news
if you could stop for a fucking minute
posting shit about it.  

Nah
gather ye fucking rosebuds/clickbaits while ye fucking may
and Carpe the fucking Diem/News.

I find Facebook terribly depressing at times and yet like a crack addict I keep coming back to it not having the courage or decency to quit or at least to do a MASSIVE CULLING.

And YET if it wasn't for Facebook my blog count would probably be much lower.  Someone has to react to something. :)

O well this too shall pass just wait a couple of days and people will move on to the next distraction. 

The problem with following the Masses is that the M is often silent.

There is something Black Mirroresque about it.

Next thing you will lose points in Nosedive China for posting individual opinions or not kowtowing to popular trends. 

Celebrities and Politicians like the gods of old are warping the view on reality and none (like the gods of old) have the power to do so.

Anyway when the dust settles I hope we can all see clearer.  The time of individual thinking is gone for good it seems.

O well this too shall pass

and I too shall pass

To B(log) or not to B(log) that is the question

why oh why would I? 

I ask.

I am just adding and compounding on the already existing problem

Too many ignoranus  out there and too much ignorance.

Or is it ignorani now? 😕

I wonder what they will say of our society
100 years from now?
200?

Or maybe they will be even more ignorant and too dumb to know.

I don't think our standards, our values, our worth have augmented much since the Renaissance really.

Or maybe this is just another delusional misinformation.

Truth is we were pretty horrible back then AND

WE"RE STILL pretty horrible now.


Another mass shooting today
Woop Tee Fucking Do.

This is not NEWS anymore as
news have to be new
it says it in the title NEWS.

Everyone will have his momentary moment about that and move on like the Rwanda genocide.

Jack: [after Paul thanks him for shooting footage of the genocide] I think if people see this footage, they'll say Oh, my God, that's horrible. And then they'll go on eating their dinners.

Hotel Rwanda (2004)


Plus plus plus hundreds of people will USE this event for clickbait to get more views to their channels, pretty close to psychotic if you ask me.

Am I doing the same thing here? 

FUCK NO. 

Everybody knows (or doesn't know in this case) 
that I don't get any click I mean look at my records on this blog FFS. 
I just vent and think out loud.

I haven't stopped to do so in ages now have I? 
Or maybe I have lol I can't remember 
I would have to go to my blog to check out 
since I got the memory of a goldfish 
and the plastic castle is a surprise every time.

I am typing this on a separate doc as per my usual.

What else could I blog about? 

The death of my daughter last year?

The death of my mother last Thursday?

Not much to say about this one a bit like Meursault in L'étranger from Albert Camus.

From a psychological "interesting" POV it could be said that I had one wish:

Not to die before my mum or Francis Cormier 
so I didn't have to have someone gloating and nagging me over my coffin 
cuz I promised myself to sit right up and scream 
SHUT THE FUCK UP 
for once in your life. 

So this is then I can finally RIP lol.

My brother is not crying either for the record. 
We both have our opinion on the extreme cruelty of the woman. 

 I know I know ...

De mortuis nil nisi bonum

SPEAK NO EVIL OF THE DEAD

Well let's leave it at that without going into the gazillion deep psychological scars she left besides the physical ones.
My dad had the unfortunate trade of carpet layer leaving countless pieces of oak moulding in the house with a devastating edge to it.
The way to raise a child is probably not to blackmail him to remove everything he loves btw.

A death at 86 in your sleep is not a tragedy anyway it's just the circle of life.
moving on...

How moot is it to say that social media is bad for you on social media?

Sure I could gather more thoughts and more memories
to leave for posterity whatever posterity is.

One thing for sure though nobody 
(that is a little less than now) 
is gonna read me in 100 or 200 years from now.

So here is the end of my brain stream getting shorter and shorter everyday

P.S. I am making an attempt at reading Camus's L'étranger once more in its original language ...

we will see how this goes given I haven't read a single book in donkey's years

Typing this with Vivaldi on to avoid the sound of Aussie rules footie LOL
the constant sound of a whistle makes me think as a Canadian/American that something is wrong all the time :) 

P.P.S. opening my blog to paste and copy I was pretty well right June and July have gone by in silence

NONE OF US ARE FREE

I was listening to Americans talking about Chinese today
and earlier on about the UK and its MI6 and Russia and what not
and all of it sounded to me like propaganda.

To One the Others are always evil and ONE is ALWAYS good.
To US we are good and THEM/THEY are evil, always.

I wish I or someone would have an IQ out of this world and a mind so utterly expanded some would say godlike to see things as they really are.

To the Chinese (and to so other many nations too) the Americans are the evil one with their power and their intere$t$.  

To Chinese also Japanese were the ultimate evil as they were to Americans around the same time.  Japan and Germany were the epitome of evil and now we buy their cars and IT shit.


To the Chinese also Great Britain was the ultimate enemy, profiteering colonisation with the import also of opium in order to steal tea or silk or whatever.

If Mexico sending all their cocaine to the USA is bad therefore
the UK sending opium to China is ALSO bad.

As Brassens used to paraphrase a French expression saying something like turning your tongue around 7 times before you say anything basically saying think before you move or say something
He said if you turn the butt of your rifle (or AK47) seven times your enemy becomes your ally or friend.

But anyway as I said or am trying to say it is just IMPOSSIBLE to decipher rhetoric and propaganda from any side.  No one is smart enough, unbiased enough or knowledgeable enough to sift through the amount of life much bigger than our space garbage and ocean garbage and what not.

but what if? 
what if someone could see everything as it really is now?

Thing is we white people are not the goodies or even the majority and our history is nothing but a bunch of lies and propaganda and white washing.  Americans do dirty dirty tricks in others' countries and in other people's affairs and so does the UK and China and Russia and billions of people of every country.

I'd like to end I guess with Solomon Burke's song:

None of us are FREE 
One of us is chained 

None of us are FREE.

and none of us is innocent either.

We all partake in the propaganda and swallow oceans of it.

the signs were all there they said posthumously

Howzat for a clickbait now eh? 😄

Have you tried being melodramatic lately?

Well let's say I am and may seem a little macabre lately
Fuck I wouldn't even live with myself.

Thing is if I try to think rationally and let's say errrr the amount of painkillers I just took kind of help in that department since I was very irrational when I took them but the overwhelming pain was not helping the thinking process.

So as I was saying if I try to think rationally the overall quality of life is somewhat acceptable and the multiple daily pains are usually short lived but still pain is pain is pain and the moment is unpleasant or hell depending on...

Of course there is this big OCD obsession (he is a nice pleonasm) for my
2 billionth second seems like a bad omen but then again is it really? I just love numbers that's all not mentioning that it is how long my dad and Donna Summer lived LOL

Pain management Chronic pain and pain prescriptions and what not is certainly nothing new and nothing peculiar to me for sure, it is epidemic these days and prolly more and more of a prob as one ages and faces the consequences of entropy.

Nights are disturbed and pain wakes me up but on the positive side I am retired and I can go back to bed anytime I want or anytime I can anyway... sometimes I need time for the blood to get back to my lower limbs and to get re-hydrated but I manage to catch up on much needed granddad naps.

The most horrible nights are when the "attacks" are multiple and constants and you can't see the end like a cramp or double cramp or triple cramp waking me every hour on the hour or add to this the errr looking for a superlative here... 

EXCRUCIATING would be a good one 

EXCRUCIATING pain of my guts trying to get out of my body like Ridley Scott's ALIEN which makes for a very very long 60 to 90 seconds of pain comparable to my old gallbladder attack 

which on the pain level is quite high on the register IIRC compared to giving birth and such

 and after much advice I don't need a third opinion apparently to tell me that I AM FUCKED in this regard that there is FUCK ALL to do but suffer and be careful when I try to wipe or wash my ASS or even when I turn in bed now.

In my last list I think I forgot to mention the arthritis in my left thumb also and the new cramps in my "hems"? just below the knee joint in the back.

Sometimes I consider going back on the patches I was on for 6 years even though they were hell to get off from. 

Not that desperate yet

and I try to tell myself the pain might diminish a bit once I am off this chemotherapy drug but there is no date on this yet, going to the hospital tomorrow to find out more.

So quality of life might be better and then again if I kept "Comfortably Numb" most of the time but that also comes at a cost. 

I have to say though I find myself extremely reasonable and moderate most of the time with pain killers

but sometimes like a night of getting shitfaced once in a blue moon it seems to help when things are too much.

Anyway who wants to hear my troubles or anyone's troubles in this modern world?

So let's leave this here in the Néant the Nothingness , the ethereal overflowing world of zeros and ones in this Huxleyan dystopia.

Let's write it here where no one reads it

Dear blog I had so many things to tell you lately but like tears in rain all those moments have gone swiftly. 

Prolly nothing you haven't heard before anyway but still sometimes I like to preserve my narcissistic manic moment in a media that will last longer than my dying ageing Charlie Gordon's brain.

Anyhoot water under the bridge for now.

So all these thoughts cannot have been important after all.

Had a rehash on my old pacifist stand today but that too is getting old and stale.

Waiting patiently for my 2 billionth second to come by and then we shall see or all the rest is gravy as some say I even have a countdown for it.

Getting old, new surgeries after new surgeries.   More surgeries to come. New medications, new side effects, new pains. What else is new?

I just made a quick list to add on to my current Comfortably Numb joke:  Can you show me where it hurts? How 'bout I show you where it doesn't hurt? It would take less time.

Made a quick list also:

Currently
My back right side
(a little higher than my usual pain in my right hip)
My left hand (what seems to be another botched surgery)
excruciating pain from times to times on both sides just below the ribcage
(probably caused by some hernia(s)
Recently added also maybe caused by that chemotherapy meds(Vismodegib)
Left elbow and Left Shoulder
(Shoulder is so bad that if I forget and put in my right sleeve first I have to undo it and start over with left arm)
constant cramps in both legs front and back and both feet. Sometimes rudely and sorely awaken by 3 (THREE) cramps at the same time
Sometimes it is nearly impossible to find a lying down position that doesn't hurt.
The question remains in chronic pain
HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

another question How many painkiller can one take before the cure becomes worst than the sickness?

I am sure I must be forgetting a few I just call it travelling pain it keeps moving on and on to new and old places
As good Old Sol once said:
The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy.
In other words nothing really matters it is clear to see

The public system might be more depressing in other countries and places (like Quebec) and even worse when you don't have a public system (like USA) but it is of no comfort here as I can't seem to find a doctor to take me seriously not even sure I want to find one anymore even.

enough whingeing for today before I turn into a whingeing POM on top of it all :P

Ciao for now