Thursday, August 18, 2011

I hope my pony knows the way back home

That song really appeals to me in some ways.
I do feel like
I've seen it all boys, I've been all over
Been everywhere in the whole wide world

Even though I have never been anywhere near

Natchez OR Hushpukena OR Belzoni OR Talullah.

Nor have I been anywhere near all the boondocks that Jack Kerouac has been near to either but I have been many times in my own boondocks and many of them.

18 years old or so I slept downtown Montreal in an abandoned house above a chicken slaughterhouse, on cheap mattresses on the floor in a house with syringes in the holes of the walls and surrounded by what we called "water freaks", the ultimate addict who would used your old cigarette foil filled with crystal meth rinse it with water and crank himself with a very diluted form of his addiction. Got my jaw broken on my way there in fact, being at the wrong place at the wrong time and mistaken for a "bloke" what we called the English back then, by the time these guys realized we were NOT the "blokes" who had beaten up their mates, I had a broken jaw and my friend had cracked ribs.

16 to 18 hitch hiked many times the 200 miles to Quebec City for a Bluto or Wimpy Burger at Popeye's on St-Jean way before MacDonald's hit the country.  

Sometimes slept in the cemetery under a tree at the base of a 17th century tombstone with F's instead of S's. Have to confess I only slept there in daytime now LOL as I was too chicken to try it at night. ☺

Also went to see a friend that was not there in Quebec City and ended up sleeping in a jail cell only for the asking! ☺ I asked them they locked me in a tiny cell with a stainless steel toilet at 3AM and kicked me out at 7 AM.  So I DID spend a night in jail ONCE if anybody asks. That should be a good one in these 2 truths and one lie games.

In one of my many hitch hiking to Gaspe, I slept in the middle of a gravel road with my jean jacket as a pillow behind one of those construction bar, a plank on two "chevalets".  Told the young man with the detour sign there to make damn sure they DID make that detour, otherwise they would have run over me.   

Also rid in the back of a motorcycle holding to dear life to a stranger watching the road go scaringly fast under you, that was a very long 20 miles.  

 Hopped in a big rig on a gravel road,( there was always, probably still is, construction in the Matapedia Valley) and heard a big bang right next to my head.  Another rig was passing us by really fast and a pebble went through the windshield and hit the back of the cab and left a big dent there, an inch or two to the left and  I would have been the proverbial Goliath stone dead.

20 yrs old, I was 700 miles east away from home, had hitch hiked all that way to see a distant friend who happened to be gone 700 miles NORTH away from home, not knowing his parents well enough I had to hitch-hike my way back home in the cold and dark and wet middle of nowhere. Was wearing one of those red plaid flannel hunting shirt that got really wet and cold and heavy and soaked through and cried to God in the middle of the dark wet night "a thousand miles from nowhere". Was really happy and comforted for a short moment when a Good Samaritan FINALLY picked me up, only to realize the only reason why he didn't leave me on the side of the road like the other sober assholes was because he was shitfaced and could hardly drive, forget about talking, and every time an incoming car passed us by at 100 miles an hour and he barely got back on HIS side of the road I saw the film of my life and was ready to grab the steering wheel and pull us back in.   I was just too happy to go back in the cold rain but ALIVE shortly after has he stopped at the next hotel for a refill as if he needed one.

Got another short ride in the back of a provincial police car with no handles on the doors.  Stopped at New Carlisle Prison and asked for shelter but this time I was turned down and sent back in the rain.

1978 I spent my "2nd" honeymoon hitch hiking around Gaspe, about 1400 miles I'd say. All went well til Percé but then here came the rain again, falling on my head like an old emotion.
Add to this a dubious can of herring on a wet campfire and a diarrhoea from hell before the days of Imodium.  Just what to want really in life to be stuck in the middle of nowhere wet and cold WITH THE RUNS.  Past the tip of the Peninsula, drinking KaoPectate by the bottle,  on the north side, a nice Chrysler Imperial with WHITE LEATHER seats stopped to pick us up. Luckily my prayers were answered and this man stopped at every rest stop on the road and never knew how close his leather seats came to change colour permanently. ☺


San Francisco- Vancouver - Montreal and San Francisco Milk Run to Montreal, 

stopping at every town on the way, waking you up just in time for a Marlboro break.   

One should never ever take a bed for granted after that.

Making it to SF alone was quite an interesting ordeal too.  Started with $400 in Montreal, blew over $200 in Ottawa on booze and errrr stuff, hitch hiked to Winnipeg, well basically crossed Ontario AGAIN.  1500 miles wide and prolly 1000 miles from nowhere at many points.  Ended up in the middle of absolutely nowhere in the middle of the nights eaten by the ferocious flies, remembered a RCMP station I had seen on my way there a mile back, walked back just to realize the station was closed but luckily they had a huge open inside hall highly illuminated with fluorescent but NO FLIES and ALSO a nice leather 3 seaters with none of these annoying arm rests that would either break your back or make it really hard to wiggle yourself out of there in the morning.  Spent the best night with my jean jacket OVER my head this time to cover them bloody lights.  Was refreshed enough in the morning to accept a long detour ride that required some shared driving and lucky enough also to get out of deep lumber desert on a lumber rig and closer back to civilisation AND Main Road.

Missed the ferry in Vancouver to Victoria, slept in a hostel downtown Vancouver, probably one of the scariest nights of my life, blocked the thin door with my dresser.  Met one of my travelling mates the morning after battered and bruised after having been mugged.

So many adventures, so little time and brain power. One of my last one was to Venture 20,000 miles away from home and that was a good one. ☺☻♥

Had nice travelling boots that I FORGOT to take off on a 36 hours flight, by the time I got to Kuala Lumpur at 40 hot and humid degrees at 3 AM and my first time ever entering a shuttle bus on the LEFT side, well a dead cheese factory would have been a more pleasant olfactory experience or my visit to this water processing plant in fact was better. ☺

Apparently after that 48 hours experience her first impression was more like meeting a zombie. ☺

So after 3 trips back to Canada, Paris and England I packed enough air miles to fly to the moon and back.

So Jack Kerouac let me show YOU how it's done! :)

OFF the Road now.

Stinky boots are retired.

Guess I've got that old trav'lin' bone, 'cause this feelin' won't leave me alone. ~ CCR

Guess that old trav'lin bone has finally left me alone

Some might notice some discrepancies between these two gospels LOL


  1. Cute, cute.
    Like I said before, continue to write. You're interesting. Think that the reader needs to breathe though. I feel I hold my breath until you're done.
    What's F's instead of S's on the cemetary? And what happened to your jaw?

  2. in old English and French back from 4 or 5 centuries ago the S's looked more like F's. I have no idea how they were pronounced then. Also the 1611 King James might have looked like this

    Gen 1:1 In the beginning God created the Heauen, and the Earth.
    Gen 1:2 And the earth waf without forme, and voyd, and darkeneffe was vpon the face of the deepe: and the Spirit of God mooued vpon the face of the waters. I'll see if I can find more examples.

  3. from 12 to 18 I had many surgeries and removals of huge cysts in my jawbone which left me with a weak jaw so one good punch was enough to crack open by bottom jaw on the right side which led me to a long stay in hospital with my jaw wired shut and 2 long surgeries and hospital stay involving graft and infections and removal of graft

  4. These boots are made for walking.