Out of bed early after like a 6 hour sleep night.It's Sunday I think yeah
July 8th, 2018 at 08:36 AM currently, so my reliable computer says even though I trust my phone more for accurate time anyway.
Phone says 8h36 too.
Awake but not woke.
Welling up here and there depending what I read and what I listen to.
Was mostly feeling sorry for myself on Friday now or was it Saturday?
Anyway I tried to go to the Hub all by myself and that was an interesting experience.
Thomas Road? oh oh! I think I fucked up.
I got a $600 phone but a 6 penny brain.
Like Sue said I should have used the good ole paper map anyway.
But still 17 years here
SEVENTEEN YEARS
and I can't go anywhere by myself except if I take the train and have been there before and then again.
Can't drive to Freo,
Can't drive to Perth,
Never did.
I was trying to read something today
10 Self-Care Tips for People Who Dissociate
I certainly have huge problems of Dissociation for sure
Call it me being a
Space Cadet or
a Distracted Professor
let's face it
I am not always there
well I am there but
I am not there
I am obviously somewhere else.
So I suppose many of my memory problems are due to this rather than to early Alzheimer's but it is disturbing to be so unreliable and at times so useless.
And moreover why would I write all about me when it is a time for mourning for Priscilla.
Again it makes me feel like Camus' Stranger.
It's all intertwined I guess and I do expect a delayed bomb reaction sometime soon.
In the meanwhile I do my own therapy here on this unread blog trying to cope, survive, and mostly understand.
Hell I managed to get to Canada and survive a month on my own so I am not that desperate.
But that feeling of disorientation is haunting at times though.
Anyway Life goes on and
LIFE IS FOR THE LIVING
as she says whatever realm I live in.
So this is it for now as my body is crying for coffee and breakfast and waiting desperately for my granddad afternoon nap.
Ciao all my unreaders.
and Hello to my Polish friends whoever you are.
P.S. Like a strange animal
I seem to have a 5 km radius
and once I get out of there
it's a hostile jungle.
Call it me being a
Space Cadet or
a Distracted Professor
let's face it
I am not always there
well I am there but
I am not there
I am obviously somewhere else.
So I suppose many of my memory problems are due to this rather than to early Alzheimer's but it is disturbing to be so unreliable and at times so useless.
And moreover why would I write all about me when it is a time for mourning for Priscilla.
Again it makes me feel like Camus' Stranger.
It's all intertwined I guess and I do expect a delayed bomb reaction sometime soon.
In the meanwhile I do my own therapy here on this unread blog trying to cope, survive, and mostly understand.
Hell I managed to get to Canada and survive a month on my own so I am not that desperate.
But that feeling of disorientation is haunting at times though.
Anyway Life goes on and
LIFE IS FOR THE LIVING
as she says whatever realm I live in.
So this is it for now as my body is crying for coffee and breakfast and waiting desperately for my granddad afternoon nap.
Ciao all my unreaders.
and Hello to my Polish friends whoever you are.
P.S. Like a strange animal
I seem to have a 5 km radius
and once I get out of there
it's a hostile jungle.
Disassociation is really common for people with PTSD. It's just a survival technique.
ReplyDeleteThe derealisation I think is a bit more complex and can be frightening and disorienting.
The fact that you can reflect on these feelings and recognise them and their function is probably testimony to your metacognitive abilites.