Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Response to my dear friend Mike

A few days ago, this woman began mouthing off her opinion to the captive audience of after-diner tea. And although unsolicited and ignorant it was, she insisted on voicing her views against her better judgment. She objected against the little blue pill (Viagra or Cialis), claiming that it was unnatural and conflicted with her “old fashion” ideas. Or so she so valiantly exclaimed, as she thrusted the dagger deeper into my crotch.


I briefly entertained thoughts of strangling her with my limp dick, but instead chose to leave these childish deliberations. Better left to the young, I say. You must understand, some battles are waged only to satisfy ones pride. And I suffer not the incessant needs of confrontation and validation. So I politely excused myself, not wanting to be part of this conversation any longer. I don’t masturbate in public, since this would have been just that.

But her words kept following me throughout the evening.
Like a persistent itch, wanting to be relieved.
Like a dog wanting a bone.
Like a closeted whore wanting to be spat on by a man resembling her father.
Like some dude wanting to ejaculate all over the mushrooms in the grocery store (not me).

But how does someone come to this opinion?
Let’s see, here are some little known facts about her.
This is a woman, who in her relationships with men, has never experienced first hand, a melting cock.

Impotent isn’t just a flaccid penis, lady.
It’s a man’s inability to bring pleasure to his partner or even himself.
It’s the inevitable moment where the other person questions, is it me?
It’s knowing that you can’t follow through with any promise of intimacy.
It’s the distance unable to be bridged.
It’s resisting something that in itself, is unnatural.
It’s wanting to be part of a moment so badly, only wanting, never being allowed to know the warmth of being inside someone.
It’s having someone, completely oblivious and ignorant to the emotions at play here, sitting a mere arms length away from you, and insinuating that impotence doesn’t even exists, because you can’t possibly fathom, that is someone could accept that such a thing does in fact exists, then how can they possibly be so blatantly cruel.

Men don’t assume to know the trials women endure through their menstrual cycles. Or what childbirth can do to the mind and body. That is some scary and often tragic shit that we’ll never fully understand. And so in turn, a woman cannot and should never be so arrogant in their perfect little picket fence of a life, to have an opinion on something that will never touch her. Unless her clit grows to 6 inches, and she starts humping the family cat.

“Old fashioned” is old for a valid reason.
(takes a deep breath...)
It’s because it’s been discarded with the dirty diapers and anti-Semitic, racist, homophobic, bigoted, sexist, cult obsessed, religious fanatic, lobotomized, pill popping, negro-hanging, cigarette smoking, communist interrogating, blacklisting, prohibiting, gun enthusiast, progress fearing, electricity is the Devil, youth loathing, child beating, name calling, feminist man-hating, vegan lobbying, tv-evangelistic, info-mercial watching, reality-television producing, Reagan supporting, kitten torturing, fanny-pack wearing, break-dancing, goat humping, the garbage will be picked up on Tuesday, sanctimonious, Ale-fucking-luya, club wielding yuppies from the atomic age.
(...and exhale)
What the fuck will you target next?
Penicillin?
Christ lady, grow up, smarten up, or get off the bus.


Mike you know how I love you dearly and I hate you too LOL. We are much alike but you make me feel impotent at times, retarded. You certainly say many of the same things I do but so much better with so much more passion and in a more literary style.

Anyway one of the reasons maybe why I don’t come up with as much ranting to begin with is that I have become quite recluse in my old days not quite as crazy as Howard Hughes yet but working my way up there. For one thing I do not have the nerves anymore to listen to stupidity or unruly people, adults or children even though they are very hard to escape at times I never ever go out without my sunglasses, my cap and especially my mp3 player (usually my mobile phone) and my PRICELESS Sennheiser CX 300, $100 is a cheap investment on my sanity.

It’s not only the pleasant nice quality music you hear that is nice it’s also all the fucking crap you are not FORCEFULLY submitted to like a Guantanamo Water Torture for the Ears.

The world is absolutely full of idiots and most of our blogging and ranting will be like throwing pearls to swine most of the time I bet we are preaching to the already converted.

When it comes to buses or trains or even driving (I can’t drive even in a suburb for more than 5 minutes without losing my temper and swearing to make a sailor blush every time some idiot cuts me off) I am always reminded of this old joke.

A son walks into the living room and asks his dad to borrow the car because he has a hot date.
The dad says, ''Sure, as soon as you cut your long hair.''

The boy smiles and thinking he has outsmarted his dad replies, ''Dad, Jesus had long hair...''

And the dad replies, ''Yeah, and Jesus
walked everywhere he went too, didn't he?''

I can just imagine Jesus driving on the highway at the 100 kms speed limit and some idiotic asshole enters the highway right in front of him at 40.

You &^%$%^ (*&^% where the #$%&^& did you learn to drive?

Oops! Sorry! Can’t save the world anymore I am not without sin but it was his fricking fault dad. Couldn’t help it.

So the solution to enlightment and Nirvana is to walk everywhere with your walkman on full blast and outside noise reducing earphones et voila Eden and Paradise and Heaven on a stick even better stay at home with your walkman on and order everything on the Internet. Isn’t there some sort of psychomania like this in Japan where a kid doesn’t get out of his room for years? Forgot what it’s called.

Your long one breath ranting a la Dennis Miller was super.

It’s because it’s been discarded with the dirty diapers and anti-Semitic, racist, homophobic, bigoted, sexist, cult obsessed, religious fanatic, lobotomized, pill popping, negro-hanging, cigarette smoking, communist interrogating, blacklisting, prohibiting, gun enthusiast, progress fearing, electricity is the Devil, youth loathing, child beating, name calling, feminist man-hating, vegan lobbying, tv-evangelistic, info-mercial watching, reality-television producing, Reagan supporting, kitten torturing, fanny-pack wearing, break-dancing, goat humping, the garbage will be picked up on Tuesday, sanctimonious, Ale-fucking-luya, club wielding yuppies from the atomic age.

And as for impotence and all other human shortcomings there will never be a lack of self righteous, egotistical, cattle raised, brain washed, immoral hypocrites who will try to lift their pitiful ugly noses and find someone who at least in their corrupted crooked eyes is lower than them.

Being diabetic, cardiac, and on all kind of meds and antidepressants and not mentioning booze and drugs I certainly can relate more often than I want to really.

The strangest last episode was kind of almost worst in fact, LOL, Little Joe responded to the task, got up where he should but went nowhere else, absolutely refused to reach the top of Mount Everest. What a frustration. The pharmaceutical company calls it a possible side effect of anorgasmia. I call it Sisyphus with a hard on. You’re NOT gonna get your rocks off buddy.

3 comments:

  1. Sweet, thanks for the kind words :)
    Your words are witty and strong, I would love to see them published.
    I remember George Carlin, in his later years, getting fewer laughs, since his audience had become that which he targeted in his humor 30 years ago.
    The Viagra thing hit me kinda hard...
    Truth is, I've been using the stuff for 8 months now. I haven't experienced any side effects, and I'm glad to report, the shit really, really works :)
    But enough about my penis :P

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  2. Another one that got shafted too because he was way too brilliant and knowledgeable for the average American was Dennis Miller. Even too fast and witty for me at times LOL at least on a blog you can google what you dont understand or know

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